"Touch me"...

Are those words written on my forehead in invisible ink that only certain types of men can see? One of the waiters at La Hacienda touched me inappropriately yesterday. At the time, only Kelly and I were there. My mom dropped Sean off at the restaurant while they were out while Kelly and I were eating.

First the waiter (a young, somewhat attractive 20-something) rubbed my back between my shoulder blades. I thought maybe he's just the really friendly type. Some people are just touchy-feely like that. Then when he was reaching over to put Kelly's plate in front of her (she was sitting next to me), his arm rubbed across my breasts as he was pulling his arm back. For a second I thought maybe it was just an accident. But then I figured that it couldn't be an accident. No waiter at any restaurant I've ever been to has handed food to someone sitting next to me and "had" to get that close to my body to do it. Later, he rubbed my back again.

He made me very uncomfortable, almost to the point of feeling sick. This guy is worse than the waiter who was flirting with me at Monterrey's. At least he never touched my breasts. Only my arm and shoulder. I had to quit going there because he flirted with me every time I went there. After the waiter at La Hacienda touched me the third time, I prayed a quick prayer that he wouldn't touch me again. He came to our table once or twice more, but he didn't touch me. A couple other waiters took his place after that.

I really don't understand it. I'm not beautiful or sexy. Far from it. I dress modestly - no cleavage showing, nothing tight, I don't allow my thighs or even my knees to show, nothing sleeveless, definitely nothing that reveals my belly or my back. I don't flirt. I never have been one to flirt. I'm not sure I even know how. At least not without looking or feeling awkward. I'm polite, as is normal when addressing a waiter or waitress: "I'd like ____, please." I say "thank you" whenever something is brought to me or my drink is refilled. I smile politely. Nothing more than that. I really don't get it.

I don't recall this particular waiter having ever waited on us before. There are a couple others who normally take care of us. So unless this becomes a habit with him as it did the waiter at Monterrey's, I will continue to eat there.

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Before going to La Hacienda, Kelly and I went by the video store to rent Percy Jackson for Sean (he's really into the books and has been dying to see it), though Kelly and I did want to see it too, and Dear John for me. We all watched Percy Jackson after getting home from the restaurant. It's a pretty good family movie, other than the use of the A word a couple times. I don't recommend it for small children though. Might be too scary for them in parts.

I watched Dear John after that. I expected them to do some things differently than the book, but I didn't expect them to change the location from Wilmington, NC, to Charleston. That bugged me. Nicholas Sparks stories are always set in (or mostly in) North Carolina. Other than that, I liked it. The ending isn't the same as the book, but the alternate ending, which you can find in the extras, is closer to it.

Fanny Price, Alice and Physical Touch

Which Jane Austen Heroine Are You?

My result is: Fanny Price

"You are smart and shy, a quiet beauty with brains that intimidate everyone around you. You often feel out of place, homeless and alone. As an intellectual idealist, you long to be heard and understood, but rarely waste your time trying to defend yourself to those who could not possibly understand. Time and experience is making you bolder. Despite your clever genius, you long for simplicity, and the love of your soul mate, who is a socially surprising and unlikely match."

What 'Twilight' character are you?

My result is: Alice!

"You try to make yourself and others happy. You always find a way to get what you want. Caring for others is your major duty, and you do it without complaining.
"You have real grace with everything you do, and people fall for you easily. You make a great caretaker and friend to those you feel the need to."

What 'Twilight' character are you? - take this quiz!

Your results for What's your love language?

Physical touch

"Your primary language of love is physical touch. A hug or a touch on the shoulder can comfort you and show you how much a loved one cares for you. Especially when you're feeling down, physical touch more than anything else can cheer you up and bring you closer to loved ones."

I Want it All Back!

I came across the following song while browsing a church's website. Apparently it's been around for a couple years, but I had never heard it before tonight. Wow! It's awesome. And so true for me. There are family things and spiritual things that have been taken and I'm fighting (through prayer) to get it all back. I've gotten some things back, but I'm not stopping until I get it all back.



Chorus:

I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.

Verse I

You may have thought you won that last round.
You may have laughed ('cause) I almost fell down.
Maybe you think I give up easy,
But it's not over. I got more in me.
You thought I stopped, you thought I sat down.
But I am standing. You made me mad now.
You got some things I think you owe me.
I've come to get back everything that you stole.

Chorus

I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.

Verse II

You hit me hard, I should be knocked out.
Things I've been through, don't even wanna talk about.
You crossed the line (this time), you violated me.
I want revenge (I want everything back from), A to Z.
The battle's not mine, the battle is the Lord's.
In the name of Jesus, I'm taking it by force.

Chorus

I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.

Bridge

If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.

(But now I'm) stronger.
(And I got more) power.
(I'm a little bit) wiser.
(And I got more) strength.
(I got the) anointing.
(Got God's) favor.
(And we're still) standing.
I want it all back.

(Man, give me my stuff back.)
Give me my stuff back.
Give me my stuff.
Give me my stuff back.
I want it all.
Give me my stuff back.
Give me my stuff.
Give me my stuff back.
I want it all.

What about the peace he took? (I want it back.)
What about your strength he took? (I want it back.)
What about your power he took? (I want it back.)
What about your love he took? (I want it back.)

What about your family and all your self-esteem, even your destiny? (I want it back.)
What about the joy you tasted & the time you wasted, do you want it back? (I want it back.)
What about your place in God & all your faith in God, even the ways of God? (I want it back.)
What about your hopes & dreams & your communities, even your kids and teens? (I want it back.)

What about the love he took? (I want it back.)
What about your strength he took? (I want it back.)
What about your joy he took? (I want it back.)
What about the power he took? (I want it back.)

What about your family and all your self-esteem, even your destiny? (I want it back.)
What about the joy you tasted & the time you wasted, do you want it back? (I want it back.)
What about your place in God & all your faith in God, even the ways of God? (I want it back.)
What about your hopes & dreams & your communities, even your kids and teens? (I want it back.)

I want it all back!

Our Friday Evening; Food

I took the kids out to Olive Garden yesterday for an early supper. (You have to go early on Fridays and Saturdays if you don't want a long wait.) It's been 2-3 months since we've eaten there. There was a time when we ate there once a week.

It was kind of expensive, compared to the less than $20 I spend when we get pizza or Mexican food, but I knew the kids would like it. Money didn't used to be such an issue until circumstances beyond my control (which I have not gone into on my blog, and probably won't) changed things. Unnecessarily, I might add.

Anyway, we really enjoyed our meals. Sean had the chicken tenders, as usual. Kelly got the cheese pizza. I got the cheese ravioli with marinara sauce, which I'd been wanting for awhile. For dessert, we got the zeppoli, which was delicious.

Of course, having spent most of the extra money on that meal, I was unable to do any other extra thing(s) for myself or my kids this week, but they were satisfied and I reckon that's what matters.

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I was pretty tired when we got home, but we ended up staying up late anyway watching War of the Worlds, which had come on TV. We had never seen it before. I'm not big on alien movies, actually I don't really like them, but this one was fairly decent and entertaining enough. Though I still don't understand why Tom Cruise's son in the movie just "had" to see what was going on and ran towards danger. *shaking my head* Dumb.

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For supper tonight, which I'll be starting soon, I'm making homemade French bread pizza. Well, sort of homemade. I'm not milking my own cow to make the cheese or making sauce from tomatoes I grew or making my own bread or slaughtering a pig to make the pepperoni. But it's certainly closer to homemade than that frozen stuff.

Other things we'll be having for supper this week: Penne marinara, pasta bake (enough for two nights), arroz con pollo (enough for two nights) and possibly pancakes. That's a lot of P's.

When I get groceries again next Friday, I'll be getting things to make Caribbean chicken - allspice, limes, (I already have thyme, olive oil, garlic cloves, cilantro and ground mustard), bell peppers and nutmeg. It will be served with rice and either black beans or kidney beans. I've never made Caribbean chicken before, so I hope it tastes good when I make it. I didn't really find a recipe for it. I just found a list of common herbs, spices and so forth that are used in Caribbean cooking. I'll marinate the chicken for awhile in the olive oil, herbs, spices and lime before cooking it. And then possibly squeeze a little more lime juice over it after it's done cooking if I think it needs it.

I like looking for new recipes once in awhile and I recently went searching for a good potato soup recipe, in addition to a Caribbean chicken recipe. Every recipe I found said to mash the potatoes after boiling them and then combine that with the other ingredients. I don't want a mashed potato soup. I want a broth with potato chunks in it, like you'd see in a stew. Maybe a chowder is what I really want. Or maybe I'll just make up my own potato soup using the more common version as a guide.

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I will end this entry with a couple quotes I like that I read today.

"The career of motherhood and homemaking is beyond value and needs no justification. Its importance is incalculable." -- Katherine Shor

"A gentle and quiet spirit is not only imperishable; it is precious in the sight of God. It's also one of the hardest qualities to cultivate. Far from a sign of weakness, a gentle and quiet spirit is the sign of a woman who is strong in faith, mind and character." -- Anna Sofia & Elizabeth Botkin

Family

Found in Google images.

These are quotes about family that I recently came across. I hope y'all like them.

"Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice." -- Reinhold Niebuhr

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." -- Charles R. Swindoll

"I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich." -- Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "Identity Crisis," M*A*S*H

"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons." -- Johann Schiller

"The family is a haven in a heartless world." -- Attributed to Christopher Lasch

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." -- Joyce Brothers

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." -- Paul Pearshall

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." -- George Eliot

"At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable." -- Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing”

“No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?” -- Elbert Hubbard

“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.”

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -- Theodore Hesburgh

“No man on his death bed ever looked up into the eyes of his family and friends and said, 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.' "

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.” -- Ring Lardner

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it." -- George Moore

"Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing." -- Jim Rohn

Wives and Mothers

"When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband." -- Author Unknown

"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." -- Oscar Wilde

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." -- Agatha Christie

"I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me 'mommy.' " -- Author Unknown

"I thought my mom's whole purpose was to be my mom. That's how she made me feel." -- Natasha Gregson Wagner

"I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise."
-- Meredith Gray

"Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy." -- Danielle Steel

"One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters." -- George Herbert

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." -- Sophia Loren

"Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering." -- Elaine Heffner

“The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.” -- Mexican Proverb

Husbands and Fathers

"A man should never neglect his family for business." -- Walt Disney

"A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child." -- Knights of Pythagoras

"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad." -- Author Unknown

"Dads don't need to be tall and broad-shouldered and clever. Love makes them so." -- Pam Brown

"His heritage to his children wasn't words or possessions, but an unspoken treasure, the treasure of his example as a man and a father." -- Will Rogers Jr.

"It is a wise father that knows his own child." -- William Shakespeare

"It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping." -- John Sinor

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father." -- Pope John XXIII

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance." -- Ruth E. Renkel

"The first man a little girl falls in love with is her dad." -- Author Unknown

"The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart." -- Mencius

"I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is the harmony, style, joy, and dignity he creates in his marriage, and the pleasure and inspiration he provides for his spouse." -- Benjamin McLane Spock

Beach Meme

I found this meme over at The Queen's Meme blog.

1. When is the last time you saw the ocean?
Early July of last year.

2. Where is your favorite stretch of beach shoreline?
Oak Island, NC. But pretty much all of the North Carolina coast is beautiful.

3. Are you planning a beach vacation this year?
No. :-( Not so far anyway. I'm hoping for it though.

4. Bikinis or one-piece?
Neither. And no, I don't go nude either.

5. Do you sunbathe or sit under an umbrella?
I sit under the umbrella if I'm not walking the beach taking pictures and collecting seashells.

6. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
No. Yuck.

7. Favorite activity at the beach while on vacation?
Take pictures and collect seashells.

8. Condo, hotel or cottage rental?
Hotel. But I'd like to rent a cottage someday if it's just me and my husband.

9. What beach in the whole wide world would you like to visit for the first time?
Somewhere in New Zealand probably.

10. Did you ever have a special romantic time at the beach?
No. It's always the four of us.

11. Tell us about a favorite beach memory.
I don't know that I can. Pretty much anytime we're having a good time together as a family.

Hot Summer Days

Here we are, well into summer vacation. With the days being so hot the past couple weeks (highs have been in the 90s almost everyday; heat index in the low 100s), we can't really get out during the day to do anything. I spend most of my time cleaning and taking care of my kids. The kids play with their toys and games. At night, after supper, we watch a movie (last night was Prince Caspian) and then do some reading in our beds before going to sleep.

We look forward to Fridays. I actually have a little bit of extra money most Fridays to have a "family date night" with my kids. This past Friday we went to see Karate Kid. Very good movie. We were with a great crowd of people, which always makes watching a movie more fun. There was some clapping, laughing and cheering throughout the movie. Especially at the end when Dre wins the tournament. (Surely this didn't spoil the movie for anyone reading my blog. Of course he wins. lol Just as Daniel-son won in the original.) I enjoyed the movie much more than I thought I would. I expected to like it, but I didn't expect to think that it's one of the best movies I've seen this year. And it is. Better than Robin Hood, better than Iron Man 2, much better than Letters to Juliet, which bored me, a little better than Prince of Persia. My kids really loved it, which of course is what matters most.

My favorite line from the movie is when Jackie Chan's character says that being still and doing nothing are two different things. It reminded me of the scripture that says that when you've done all you can to stand, stand. And also, the scripture that says to be still and know that He is God. It made me think about my situation, the trial I'm in, and how that just because I'm "standing still", waiting for God to work, doesn't mean I'm not doing anything. Just praying and putting it in God's hands is a lot.

As I mentioned earlier, it's been very hot lately. And unfortunately, not only does this mean having to stay inside, it means that the front of our house gets pretty hot. We have high ceilings in the living room, dining room and kitchen, and these rooms stay hot during summer days. If we're going to be in the living room, we have to have the ceiling fan on high and we sit where we can feel the breeze from it. The bedrooms and bathrooms stay cool, thanks to the AC (yes, we have AC throughout the house, but it doesn't help the front rooms much), but who wants to stay in their room all day? The TV is in the living room, of course, and the computer, which I don't get on as much anymore, is in the dining room. Any cleaning I have to do in the front of the house has to be done in the morning before it gets hot, or at night after it cools down.

So that's how our days have been. I clean when I'm able. If it isn't the heat hindering me from getting as much done as I'd like, it's feeling unwell or fatigued. (Fatigue is something I deal with having PCOS.) But I have my days where my energy is up and I'm able to get a lot done. That always makes me feel good. Of course, I cook supper every night regardless of how tired or blah I may feel. Even if it's just soup. I'm making roast with potatoes and carrots and corn muffins tonight.

Taking care of our home and my kids is important to me. And actually, it's more important than most people seem to realize. Let the house go uncleaned, clothes unwashed, pets unfed, dog not taken out, meals uncooked, the kids uncared for, unwatched and untaught (is that a word?) and you'll see just how important and vital it is. I take my job seriously and am proud to be a mom and homemaker. :-)

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As y'all might have noticed, I haven't been blogging as much. That's because I've been going to bed earlier (though not early by most people's standards) and doing other things during the day. I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog, though I haven't really come up with anything yet. I thought about "The Blogger Formerly Known as Nocturnal Queen", but that might be a bit long. I'm trying to think of other possibilities.

Tidbits

I failed to mention in my previous entry that both my kids passed their grades. Sean will be in 7th grade, Kelly will be in 4th. Sean has decided that he doesn't want to go to High School Ahead Academy, which would put him in 8th grade instead of 7th, and then on to high school in the Fall of 2011. He said he would miss his friends and that he doesn't mind being a year older than his classmates.

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I wrote last week about how God showed me who and what I'm supposed to be and that it has brought me contentment and satisfaction. I still feel that way. I'm very happy being a housewife, what the Bible calls a "keeper at home". This is my role, as well as being a mother and hopefully a light to those I meet who need God.

As far as taking care of the home, yesterday wasn't the most productive for me. Which was annoying. But the fluttering of my heart made me weak and tired. I took a short nap, something I haven't done in many days, and when I woke up my heart was feeling better. I then made chicken parmesan for supper.

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I've tried watching that Jillian Michaels show. Or whatever her name is. I can't watch it. I don't like all that yelling. She's rude. Sure she's trying to motivate people to lose weight, but you don't have to yell at people to accomplish that. It probably doesn't help that my dad was a yeller (and a mean one at that), so I'm very uncomfortable with people yelling at others.

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With nothing interesting on TV, the kids and I have been watching movies. Last night was Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

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I've been doing well with not staying up as late anymore. For the past few nights, I've gone to bed between 12:00 and 1:00. Sometimes a little later. I've gotten up between 8:00 and 9:00 AM. Yesterday it was 10:00 AM. I had gone to bed a little later and had woken up several times. It's now nearly 1:00 AM and I'll be going to bed soon.

Good-bye Jungle, Hello Pain

Our grass finally got cut. One of Charlie's co-workers came out after he got off work Friday and cut it. He was very thorough and worked on it for two hours. It's nice to be able to look out the window or walk outside and not see a jungle.

This is the first time I've been online since Thursday. I just haven't been in the mood for it. (I also wasn't feeling well.) I'm not really in the mood for it much right now, but I'm getting behind with my usual websites and online friends, so I figured I better get on and get caught up with people.

I'm feeling pretty blue today. I won't go into details. It does have to do with the trial I've been in for a good while now. I keep expecting things to get better and things will happen that make it look like they're going to get better, but then there's a setback that hurts deeply. I'm sad and frustrated. Why can't things just get better? Why can't things be made right? Why do people insist on doing the wrong thing over and over, not caring who they hurt?

*sigh*

I wish I could end this on a happier note, but I can't think of anything right now. Those of you who believe in prayer, please pray. God knows the need.

***edited in***

My heart's been fluttering off and on for a few days now. I was reading about heart flutters online and read this:

"One of the contributing causes of heart palpitations can be exposure to stressful situations or unexpected emotional distress. According to the Mayo Clinic, emotional distress can be a strong contributor and should be avoided if palpitations have been experienced in the past. In many cases, simply avoiding the situation or circumstances that surrounded the cardiac event will eliminate them entirely. If heart palpitations have been a problem in the past, using stress management techniques like slow breathing, counting and meditating can be helpful to ease the discomfort that palpitations may bring."

I literally laughed when I read the part about avoiding emotionally stressful situations. I wish that were possible, but this emotionally stressful situation that I'm in effects nearly everything in my life. There is no avoiding it.

This and That

I'm very frustrated that I can't seem to get anyone to cut our grass. My brother used to cut it, but he hurt his shoulder and can't do it. Our lawn mower doesn't work. Mom brought her lawn mower over back in April, but someone stole it from behind our house last week. The man who cut it last time doesn't want to do it anymore because he said it's too hard on his equipment.

My brother said that the guys who cut the grass at his job will do it, but Charlie doesn't want anyone he doesn't know here cutting our grass. I reckon he's worried they'll snoop around and steal something. He said he was going to have a couple of his co-workers cut it, but they didn't show up yesterday. We got a notice from the HOA *shakes fist* a couple days ago about our high grass. If the city cuts it, I'm sure it'll cost more than the $30 we normally pay to have it done.

*sigh*

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Sean didn't get any awards yesterday. I figured he'd get a Band award (based on the A he had all year and the fact that he was chosen for a special ceremony) and Reading award (he was always checking out books and filling out reading logs) at least, and maybe even a Math or Lanugage Arts award. He was pretty disappointed that he didn't get any. I wasn't a bit surprised that only 2 or 3 kids from his Social Studies and Science class got awards. The teacher who teaches that class is the one who grades unfairly. Other Social Studies and Science teachers gave awards to 10-15 kids from their classes.

Kelly's school didn't give out as many different kinds of awards has they have in years past, so Kelly only got two this year instead of the 6-10 she usually gets. She got a Citizen of the Year award and an Honor Roll award.

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It's been way too long since I've seen Charlie. I miss his arms around me and him sleeping next to me at night. *sigh* I'm feeling blue today because of that.

The kids miss him a lot too. They're always asking him when he's coming home. Sean talked to him last night and told him to quit his job and get a better one. I agree.

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Today's the last day of school. Mom's getting them out early. She's probably doing that now as I type. I'm planning on taking the kids to Borders tomorrow to get a book. I haven't done that in months. I know Sean wants the last book in the Percy Jackson series. He bought the first four at a book sale at his school a week or two ago.

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Welp, back to cleaning. This house won't clean itself. :-)

Morning Walk

After bringing the kids to school this morning and eating breakfast, I went for a walk on one of the trails at Hagan Stone Park. It was a lovely walk and the temps were nice - around 70°. That's why I went in the morning, for the cooler temperatures, as I tend to get nauseated if I get too warm. Still, I got nauseated anyway and had to sit on the couch for awhile after getting home until the nausea went away. I then cleaned the kitchen and took a nap. I wasn't planning on taking a nap, but I suddenly felt very tired, and my nausea had returned, so I went to bed and slept for about an hour before taking a shower and getting the kids from school.

Entrance to the trail I walked.

Daisies in a small meadow along the trail.

There were a lot of dragonflies in this area.

Sean's class had a field trip today to a park in High Point. They were there for several hours and Sean got sunburned. He doesn't feel well and has decided not to play with the band at the 8th grade graduation tonight.

Both Sean and Kelly's classes have awards ceremonies tomorrow. Sean's is at 11:00 and Kelly's is at 1:00. I have to get Sean from his school by 2:00 so that I can bring him to his doctor's appointment, so I'll have to leave Kelly's school before the awards ceremony is over. Hopefully I won't miss Kelly getting her awards.

Crime Scene? School stuff.

Soon after Kelly and I got home from getting groceries late Friday afternoon, things suddenly got exciting on our street. We had put the groceries away, had changed into more comfortable clothes and were about to eat leftover lasagna for supper when we heard an ambulance's siren. We went out onto our front porch and watched as it drove away, siren blaring. Then we noticed several police cars and a fire truck a few doors down and across the street. We stood in the driveway roasting, watching and wondering for quite awhile.

The police put up crime scene tape around two of the houses and we thought there had to have been a murder. Maybe one neighbor killed the other. I texted Mom about it (she lives about 2 minutes away) and she soon showed up and watched and wondered with us.

Eventually we found out from one of our neighbors across the street that a man had locked himself out of his home and in the process of breaking himself in (I assume through a window), he cut himself badly (on broken glass?) and lost a lot of blood. Thank God it wasn't a murder. I hope the man recovers quickly.

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Kelly hasn't been feeling well since Thursday evening (she stayed home from school on Friday), I think it's her sinuses, and between that and the weather being way too hot and muggy, we didn't go out and do anything this past weekend. If she had felt well and the weather had've been nicer, we would've had to have done something that wouldn't cost anything, like going to the park or playing tennis. Funds are quite limited this week.

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This is the last week of school for my kids. I have no worries about Kelly passing, but I'm very worried about Sean. I had written before about how he had gotten behind in Social Studies and was told by his teacher that if he turned the work in, especially the project, his grade would come up.(It doesn't help that his Social Studies/Science teacher grades unfairly; as in, taking off points for things on projects that the directions didn't mention. The project he was late on, she nitpicked and only gave him 50%. She also once took his pencils away from him because they had fallen out of his bag. *shaking my head* People like her should not be teachers.) He did the work and the project that was sent home, but I haven't heard anymore from his teacher.

I called the school and talked to the counsellor about the situation and she wasn't really much help. (She talked to me like she thought I was stupid. I had to bite my tongue a lot.) She just said that they (the teachers and principal) would look at how he did throughout the year (very well in all subjects until last month in Social Studies), as well as his current grades (I know he has As and Bs in almost every subject; I'm not sure about Science and Social Studies) and his EOG scores. He failed his EOGs. *sigh*

I've thought about calling and talking to his Science/Social Studies teacher about Sean's grade, but I don't want her to feel like I'm pushing her to give him a passing grade. Plus, she doesn't come across as the cooperative or sympathetic type.

Arrgh! Why does being a mom have to be so hard sometimes? If Sean doesn't pass, it'll break my heart. He's worked so hard to catch up when he got behind last month and when he got behind in February because of pneumonia. He really wants to go to the High School Ahead Academy so he can be in 9th grade in the Fall of 2011 instead of 8th grade, but he has to pass his grade this year in order to get in. If he doesn't make it, or worse, if he has to repeat 6th grade, I'll be just sick about it. I've been doing a lot of praying about this.

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Just a few small things happening this week. Sean's class has a field trip on Tuesday and then the band class he's in is playing at the 8th grade graduation that night. The band teacher had auditions to see who was good enough to play for that occasion, and Sean made it. :-) On Wednesday I'll be getting Sean out of school a little early for his annual check-up. Wednesday is also the awards ceremony at Sean's school. I can't remember which day is the awards ceremony at Kelly's school. I think maybe the last day, Thursday. Though I can't remember what time. Hopefully the school will send home a reminder. Or I could call, if I don't forget.

It seems like there was something else, but I can't remember.

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So, this night owl, who's trying to change her ways a little, needs to go back to sleep now. (It's now 4:00 AM.) I've already slept a couple hours tonight, after falling asleep on the couch trying to watch something on HGTV. I'm going to try to get a couple more hours sleep before having to get up and get the kids to school. Just a few more days and I won't have to get up at 7:00 AM for a few months. I'm looking forward to that.

Still a Night Owl and Death to Shelob

As I'm sure y'all know, the reason my blog is called Nocturnal Queen is because I'm a night owl. I have been for nearly 20 years now. But I've decided that I'm going to try to start going to bed earlier. Not as early as old people go to bed. If I'm in bed before 11:00 (heck, midnight), it feels way too early to be going to bed.

But of course, doesn't it figure that when I decide to try to go to bed earlier, there are obstacles. The biggest ones being not being able to sleep or waking up throughout the night, and forgetting that I was going to go to bed earlier until I look at the clock and see that it's 3:00 AM and I say to myself, "Oh, I forgot I was going to go to bed earlier now."

It's a very hard habit to break. Especially when staying up late is something you enjoy and look forward to.

I'm determined to get to bed earlier tonight. Especially since I'm very tired and have nearly fallen asleep a couple times already. I'm just waiting on some laundry. And for the big spider I saw drop behind my nightstand earlier to reappear so that I can kill it. I can't go to bed knowing there's a big spider in my room that could be crawling around near me. Or worse, crawling over me. *shudder*

"Come out, come out, wherever you are. I'm only going to kill you."

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I had to get a money order yesterday to pay for Sean's school pictures. First, the kids and I went to the post office, where I've gotten money orders in the past, but they were closed. It was only about 4:15. I thought they were open until 5:00. *sigh*

So then we went to the bank (which is just two doors down from the post office), but they charge $7.00. I nearly choked. I've never paid more than $1 for a money order. I said, "Woah. I'll go somewhere else." We went to a gas station next where I purchased a money order for 99¢.

From there, we went to Great Clips so that Sean could get a hair cut. When we got home, I made lasagna for supper. It was nearly 6:00 PM and I was starving. I hadn't eaten since breakfast. My mouth was watering as I smelled it cooking in the oven. It turned out delicious, even if I do say so myself. When Mom got off work and came by at 7:30, she ate some too and really liked it.

Tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I also have to pay the car insurance bill. No other plans for tomorrow or the weekend.

I reckon I'll go check again and see if Shelob has emerged from her hiding place behind my nightstand yet so that I can kill it and go to bed. *yawn*

Contentment, Peace, Satisfaction

As I wrote in my previous entry, we didn't have any plans for Memorial Day or the weekend. We've been getting a lot of rain, so I reckon it didn't matter much. I spent most of my time reading Voyager by Diana Gabaldon and doing laundry. Nothing too exciting (though the book often was), but I didn't mind. I have to admit that I was so into Voyager that I neglected things just a tad around here. I've got some catching up to do.

I finished my book early yesterday morning. It was a great continuation of Claire and Jamie's story. Now they're in Georgia during colonial times, having shipwrecked there during a hurricane. I'll read the next book in the series, The Fiery Cross, in a few months.

Sean came home from school yesterday very upset because he failed his EOG retakes. *sigh* I really hate EOGs. I think I've said that before. If a child is making good grades on their report card, that's all that should matter when deciding whether or not they continue on to the next grade level. Especially in elementary and middle school. They've promoted him in the past when he's failed his EOGs (because he did fine on his report cards; he's doing even better this year), but that was in elementary school. Hopefully they'll promote him this year also. He has to in order to attend the high school ahead academy next school year.

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I had another disturbing dream a couple nights ago. I dreamed that I had a disease, I think cancer, and was in the hospital because of it. My hair was coming out in chunks, I had lost a lot of weight and my face looked old, though I wasn't actually old.

Charlie was in my room with me and told me that he was going to go get something to eat. After he left, Mom and a couple other people (I think older ladies) came into my room to see me. Mom was upset that Charlie had left, but she didn't say anything.

After Mom and the others left, Charlie came back and immediately sprawled out in a chair and went to sleep. I went up to him and saw what looked like purple, glittery make-up on him. I wiped part of it off with my thumb and looked at it. It hit me that he had actually gone to see another woman, not get something to eat (unless they'd gone out together), and I stood there too shocked to cry or even move. Then I woke up.

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I mentioned earlier that nothing exciting happened here over the weekend. That used to bother me. Not having anything fun or interesting to do. But honestly that really came from lack of contentment with my life. (As well as lack of imagination, I suppose. I think I've improved in that area. Movies, tennis, walks in the park, etc.) I don't mean being a wife and mother. I mean lack of contentment with my job, my duty. Which of course is what I do as a wife and mother. I know. Fine line there.

What I'm trying to say is, for awhile, especially early last summer, I wasn't satisfied with my life, what I was doing, and I felt unappreciated. Of course, feeling unappreciated is one of the hazards of the job of being a housewife and mother. It's normal to feel that way sometimes. But outside forces, I'll call it, were pressuring me and causing me to feel that way all the time. As if who I am and what I do isn't enough and doesn't matter.

God has shown me otherwise. Through prayer, reading the Bible and reading certain blogs that I "stumbled" across (I believe God led me to them; I didn't just stumble onto them), I have come to accept completely who I am and what I do. I can't tell you the weight that lifted off of my shoulders. To no longer feel like I wasn't measuring up or "contributing" to my family or doing anything that mattered. What I do means a lot for my family and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it. I believe with all my heart that what I'm doing is what God wants me to be doing.

Not that I've got it all figured out and perfected. It's a process. Something I will probably always need improvement in. But I'm no longer daunted by not just the tasks I do, but also by the tasks I'm working towards; the tasks I know I need to do more often and/or do better.

Most women hate housework and complain about it often. I can't really say that I blame them. It's not exactly fun to clean toilets or wipe up spills and so on. But I can honestly say that I don't really hate it anymore. Yes, there are many other things I enjoy more, but I'm doing this for my family. And while I don't get thanked for it all that often, it's not really thanks I'm doing it for. I feel happy and proud that I can create a clean, happy, peaceful home for my family and cook delicious meals for them. (Even if I do say so myself. lol)

The Bible says that we should do things as if we're doing them for Jesus. My family may not notice what I do very often or thank me for it all that much, but God sees what I do. And between knowing that He sees me trying to be a good "keeper at home" and knowing that what I do is important for my family (I'm sure they'd notice if things suddenly looked like Hoarders or Clean House around here and if the good meals stopped appearing on the table), is enough to bring me contentment with my role in our home.

To be fair though, my kids do thank me for the special things I do for them, which I try to do at least once a week, and that means a lot to me.

It's not just the cooking and cleaning though. It goes much deeper than that. I'm also trying to create as peaceful an atmosphere as I can in our home (I remember years ago my MIL telling me that she felt such peace here) and teach my children with my words and my deeds. To show them, not just tell them, what kind of people they should be, how they should treat others, what kind of lives they should lead. Tell them how much God loves them and explain His teachings the best that I can.

I also try to do something special, something a little extra, for my kids each week if I can. Whether it be taking them to see a movie or going to the park to play tennis or go walking in the woods. I call them family dates. And they're just as important to do each week as going on dates with your spouse.

Anyway, I wrote all that to say that I've found contentment and satisfaction with my role in life. Now that I understand what it truly is and how important and beautiful it is, I have no desire to be anything other than what I am and what God wants me to be. No more looking at others (the Bible says not to compare ourselves to others) and wishing I could do what they do and be more "important" in the eyes of others. The eyes of others don't matter if what I'm doing is what God wants me to do.

I've been wanting to write this on my blog for weeks now. It feels good to finally do that.

So now do I not only have peace that passes understanding (the trial I've been in isn't over yet, nearly a year later), but I'm also happy with what my role is in life. Only God could've done that for me. If y'all could've known the turmoil I was in, you would understand what I mean. I still have my sad moments because my situation is still hard and is still going on, but at the same time, I have peace in my storm. And I have to believe that what the devil meant for bad, God is going to make something good out of it. I have to believe that He will bring me through and make things as they ought to be.

Sorry for the length of this. I reckon I'm in a "talkative" mood.