More This and That

Got Sean's hair cut yesterday, but couldn't find any black church shoes for Kelly. What we did see was either more than I wanted to pay or they didn't have her size. I'll try again next Friday. We rented a couple movies instead (The Back-up Plan and The Last Song) and picked up some food at Taco Bell (for Kelly and me) and Bojangle's (for Sean) since it was getting a little late to cook. We watched The Karate Kid (the new one) while eating. Actually, I slept through most of it, even though I think it's a great movie. I watched The Back-up Plan after the kids went to bed. It was cute in parts, but there were also parts I wish had been left out entirely. Especially anything involving the support group. I give it 2½ out of 5 stars.

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Savannah, our pastor's daughter, is doing better today. Pastor said that the first two days were "really trying". The thought of her sick and in pain, and my pastor and pastor's wife hurting for her, brought me to tears. I bought her a card at the grocery store yesterday. I don't know if she'll be at church tomorrow or not. I don't expect her to be. If she's not, I'll give it to my pastor or pastor's wife for her.

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Been trying to do some cleaning today, but my energy left me quickly. Despite the fact that I slept about 8 hours last night. *shakes fist at PCOS* Fatigue is one of my PCOS symptoms. I've gotten a few things done today - laundry (still working on that), changed shower curtain liners in the hall bath, put groceries away, emptied the trash in the hall bath. I still need to vacuum, clean out the litter boxes, sweep up kitty litter, wash dishes (it's mostly bowls and spoons), empty a couple more trash cans, clean up a spot in my bedroom carpet. *sigh*

Some days I have no fatigue at all and can just go, go, go. Others I can get a few things done in short bursts of energy. Many days I really have to push myself to get anything done. Today started out feeling like I'd have one of my non-stop days, but it quickly faded and now I'm struggling. I'm having to force myself just to get up and put a new load of laundry in the washing machine. Blah. Hopefully I'll have another burst of energy and can get a few more things done.

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After watching The Karate Kid last night, Kelly put the little plastic cup from the cheese that came with her nachos on top of Sadie's head. She then put a coaster and bottle of water on Sadie's side. Didn't seem to faze Sadie at all. We thought it was funny how she just laid there, not seeming to care, considering how touchy and sometimes downright evil Sadie can be. lol



Oh, and speaking of The Karate Kid, I have a confession to make. I actually found myself feeling just a little bit attracted to Jackie Chan. I've seen him in a few other movies and felt not the slightest twinge of attraction. But something about serious, brokenhearted, older-looking Jackie Chan as "Mr. Han" was attractive to me. I just wanted to hug the poor, sweet guy. He's completely different from my usual crushes - Orlando Bloom, Jude Law and Gerard Butler. Not that they're not sweet, especially big-hearted Orlando, but they're younger than Jackie Chan and are what most people consider heart throbs. Jackie Chan is "funny, goofy, martial arts guy". It was good to see him in a serious role. I'd love to see him play serious characters more often. He's quite good at it.

Well, it's about supper time. Haven't decided yet what we're going to eat. Later, Kelly and I will be watching The Last Song. Sean's at my mom's house.

Church in the morning. Very much looking forward to it, as always. Y'all have a good rest of the weekend.

Hormones, Emotional Me, and Sean

I'm hurting in several places in my body today, though I've done nothing to cause strain in my muscles. "The girls" have been hurting for about a week and the pain in my ovaries, which was almost entirely absent for a few weeks, has come back and can be quite uncomfortable. When I was praying last night (I pace when I pray), I got a sudden sharp pain in my right ovary and stood there holding my breath waiting for it to pass and hoping it wouldn't be a cyst rupturing. (The ultrasound I had in July showed no more cysts, but I don't know how long it takes one to form.) After about 10-20 seconds, the pain was gone and I continued praying.

I'm also hurting in my my hips, my lower back and between my backbone and my right shoulder blade.

I think some or all of my symptoms are being caused by my hormones. I haven't taken or used any form of birth control in 2-3 weeks. Having PCOS, I need to be on birth control to control my symptoms (though nothing seems to control it enough), but I don't like the Nuva Ring at all (I used it for the first time last month). My doctor put me on the Nuva Ring to protect my liver from the damage birth control pills and Lipitor combined could do to it. The Nuva Ring though doesn't control my symptoms as well as the pill does. Plus, I could feel it all the time and I really hated that. So I've decided I don't want to use the Nuva Ring, but I don't know if my doctor will allow me to go back on the pill.

And so now I think my hormones, which were normal in July while I was on the pill, have gone a little crazy. Besides the pain, my hair is falling out more than usual. (Another lovely symptom of PCOS.) Arrgh! *sigh*

I'm really sick of not only PCOS, but of taking medication. I don't want to take anymore pills of any kind unless it's the occasional ibuprofen for a headache or cramps. I just want to be healthy and normal (the normal that I was before PCOS) and full of vitality. I hate the pain and the hair loss and the lack of energy and excess weight (not that I'm as big as a house or anything) and all the other unpleasant and depressing symptoms of PCOS that I have.

Anyway, enough whining about my health.

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I believe I've written before about what an emotional, sensitive, tenderhearted person I am. It doesn't take much to move me to tears. I was watching a show last night and this elderly man was so depressed about his alzheimer's and the fact that he'd shot someone (flesh wound) because he didn't understand what he was seeing that he went down to a small lake, sat down on a log and held his gun (rifle?) under his chin to kill himself. He then pulled the gun away and began to cry. Oh my gosh, that really got to me. I said to myself, "If that was real and I was an angel I would go to him and hold him." *blushing* That embarrasses me to say as I realize how silly it sounds, but I really was moved by his situation and wanted so much to comfort him.

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Sean isn't feeling well today. I had to pick him up early from school. So that means no church tonight. :-( Hopefully he'll be well before Saturday. One of our neighbors and his wife are going to a drag race that day and they invited Sean to go with them. He's very excited about it and has really been looking forward to going. I don't want him to miss out on it. Mom, Kelly and I are going to my Aunt Stella's birthday party that day. She and my Uncle Marty live outside of Fayetteville, a couple hours away. If Sean is too sick to go to the drag strip, that means we'll have to stay home and miss the birthday party. Hopefully whatever Sean has is one of those short-lived, one-day things.

Normal!

I saw my doctor again today and he went over my test results and options. The news was surprisingly good.

Hormone levels - normal.

Blood sugar - "better than normal". He said normal is 110-120. Mine is 87. We had talked about Metformin last week, which is mainly a diabetic drug but has been shown to help women with PCOS. Since my blood sugar is what it is, my doctor said he'd be afraid my blood sugar level would "bottom out" if I were to take Metformin.

Thyroid - normal.

Pap smear - normal.

Blood pressure - 116 over 74. But then it's always good.

My ovaries used to be "full of cysts", but my doctor didn't see any cysts at all this time. Just some follicles. Though I still have pain in my ovaries.

My cholesterol and triglycerides are still high, but that's because I keep forgetting to take my medicine.

As I've mentioned before, I have PCOS. It affects hormone levels, blood sugar, the heart, ovaries, uterus, and many other things. I've had this disease for nearly 10 years now and I've been praying that God would heal me of it and take away all the symptoms. So you can imagine my happiness at hearing the word "normal" today. I can't remember the last time my ovaries or hormone levels have been normal. I'm praying God finishes what I believe He started and heals me completely.

This and That

So things didn't go the way they should have on Saturday, but I refuse to be brought down or to get discouraged. I haven't come this far to give up now. I won't ever give up. I know what is right and good and I will keep holding on until what is right and what is good comes to pass.

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Psalm 37:4

"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet [private room; go away by yourself], and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly."
Matthew 6:6

"...for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him."
Matthew 6:8

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Thanks to PCOS, today is a low-energy day. It doesn't help that my right ovary is still hurting and causing me to walk a little slowly at times. The nurses at the doctor's office say to take ibuprofen, but it hurts my stomach if I take too much or if I take it everyday.

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I went to women's Bible study last night. (Sean is at his aunt's house for a few days.) Kelly was with me, but spent most of her time in the dining room playing with her DS. The ladies and I had a good time reading scripture, talking and laughing.

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I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. He's going to talk to me about my test results, what's going on with my body and about new medications. If he doesn't insert the new contraceptive (for my PCOS) tomorrow, then he'll probably have me go back another time to have that done. He may also write me a prescription for Metformin.

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I'll be making Chicken Giardino for supper tonight. It's my own recipe and it's awesome, even if I do say so myself. But I don't just say so myself. My daughter loves it too. :-)

Here's the recipe. Keep in mind, I'm not a professional cook or a professional recipe writer, so feel free to tweek where you feel necessary.


Ingredients:

Extra virgin olive oil
2-3 Boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2-3 Garlic cloves
2-2¼ cups Chicken broth
¾-1 cup Milk
2 Tbs. butter
Flour
½-1 tsp. ground Rosemary
1-1½ tsp. Thyme
1-1½ tsp. Basil
1-2 Lemons
Salt
Pepper
Penne pasta, al dente

In a large frying pan (around 12 inches), pour in enough extra virgin olive oil to cover the bottom of the pan. Add chicken breasts. (Cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces before, during or after cooking.) Salt and pepper the chicken. Cook on medium heat, or a little better, until the juices run clear. Remove from pan and set aside.

Put the pot of water for the pasta on the stove and get it going.

If there's not enough olive oil now covering the bottom of the pan, add more until there is. Turn the heat down to just lower than medium. Chop finely/mince 2-3 garlic cloves (depending on how garlicy you want it) and add them to the pan.

Add the chicken broth, milk and butter to the pan. Turn the heat up to a simmer. Add about 2 tablespoons of flour and mix well until it's dissolved. Add more flour, a little at a time, until the sauce is the consistency you desire.

Add in the rosemary, thyme and basil. Also sprinkle in some salt and pepper. Taste it and add more thyme, basil or salt if desired.

Once the sauce tastes seasoned enough, add in the chicken. Then add in the drained pasta when it's done.

Squeeze in the juice of one lemon. Taste it and if you want more lemon, squeeze in half a lemon more. Taste again and add in the juice of the final lemon half if you desire.

I usually use two lemons, depending on their size. The lemons I used last night were large, so I used 1½ lemons.

If you want vegetables in it, you can add asparagus, zucchini (julienned), yellow squash (julienned), roma tomatoes (bite-sized pieces), red bell pepper (julienned), broccoli florets, frozen peas, spinach and/or carrots (julienned).

Today's Work and Concerns

It's been a busy day for me so far. I've dusted furniture, cleaned up dog pee (grr!), stripped my bed and put fresh bedding on it. I've done laundry (more to go) and folded and put away clothes and towels. I finally sat down about an hour ago to eat and get online. I'll be doing more laundry soon and I should probably vacuum.

I'm being careful about how I move and bend over today. My right ovary has been hurting for a couple days now. It feels like someone's pinching it or digging their nails into it. I especially hate it when the pain spreads to my hip bones. I had a few surprising twinges of pain while in bed last night, which made turning over slow-going. *sigh* I wish this PCOS would go away and never come back.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have to go back to the doctor next Wednesday. He wants to take me off birth control pills (which I take for PCOS) and try another form of contraceptive. He said that birth control pills and Lipitor together could damage my liver. He may also put me on Metformin for my PCOS.

Still praying for a miracle and/or intervention from God tomorrow. Things could get ugly if He doesn't step in. Though when I imagine things playing out the way I don't want them to, I can see how it could ultimately have a positive effect. I'd just hate for there to be tears, even if good can come of it, if it can be at all avoided. I'd rather good things happen without the tears if possible.

Well, back to the laundry. And then in a few hours, I'll be making beef stroganoff for supper.

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"Change always comes bearing gifts." -- Price Pritchett

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -- Ambrose Redmoon

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Anne Radmacher

"Tears are the silent language of grief." -- Voltaire, A Philosophical Dictionary

This and That - Updated

Kelly got a Star Reader Award at school the other day. "For being a hard worker and showing a love for reading!"

We need a new lawn mower. Apparently the one we have has given up the ghost.

The pain in my ovaries seems to have increased in frequency and intensity. It's not horrible or anything, certainly nowhere close to how bad the pain is when a cyst ruptures, but it is obviously a little worse lately.

I watched The Blind Side a couple nights ago. Great movie.

After getting groceries yesterday, Kelly and I ate at La Hacienda (nothing like yummy, cheap Mexican food), played a little tennis and then came home and watched New Moon. (She really wanted to see it again. She loves the wolves). Mom got Sean from school since it was her day off.

I tried to watch the new Eclipse trailer online awhile ago only to discover that my computer no longer has sound for some reason. It was working fine the other day. I've tried fixing it to no avail. When I turn the speakers up I can hear them buzzing/humming, so I think it's the computer and not the speakers.

***UPDATE*** I've got the sound fixed. I went to Settings, Control Panel, Sounds and Audio Devices (I thought I'd gone to the right place before, but I hadn't), and under the Volume tab I saw that the "Mute" box was checked. I don't know how that happened. I unchecked it and now I can hear things on my computer again. Yay! So of course I immediately viewed the Eclipse trailer with sound. :-)

Health Update

I called my doctor's office yesterday, waited about an hour before they called back. They told me that it was probably a cyst that had ruptured (just as I figured) and that I'd be sore for a few days. If the pain gets bad again, I should call back and I'll probably have to go in to be seen.

I have been sore all across my lower abdomen, with the strongest pain being in and around my ovaries. I've also had a headache since Sunday and I started hurting in my lower back yesterday afternoon.

When I was looking up information about ovarian cysts I also discovered that some cysts can be (or become?) cancerous. Oh, that's nice to know. It's not enough that I'm at a higher risk for uterine cancer and ovarian cancer, having PCOS. Now I have to be concerned about cancerous cysts as well.

My doctor likes to have ultrasounds done on me once or twice a year. It was after one of the first ultrasounds that he told me that I have cysts in both ovaries (common with PCOS), with my left ovary having the most cysts.

Maybe it's because of all the cysts that I hurt everyday.

Anyway, I'm not overly worried about the possibility of cancer. Why worry before you really have to?

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The kids had a 3-hour delay to the start of their school day yesterday due to icy roads. Today they have a 2-hour delay.

After getting Kelly from school yesterday (Mom was off and got Sean), and after talking to the nurse at my ob/gyn's office, we went to Borders for a couple things. I got my mom a gift card for Christmas. She's really gotten into reading lately (she says it's because of me) and borrows books from me sometimes. I thought maybe she would like to buy herself a book. Or she could get something else if she prefers. They have many different things to choose from.

I also bought a calendar of Italy for the kitchen. I have a sort of Italian theme in my kitchen, so I like to use an Italian or Tuscan themed calendar.

Kelly and I went to the grocery store to pick up a couple things after leaving Borders before coming home. One of the things I bought at the grocery store was a box of creamy macaroni and cheese. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I was craving it (haven't had it in a long time) and that's what we had for supper. Nice and nutritious, eh? I'll do better in the supper department tonight. Cube steak (w/corn, au gratin potatoes and great northern beans) or spaghetti.

Rude Awakening

I woke up yesterday morning to pain in my left ovary. It was one of those deals where you kind of realize you've been squirming and practically panting in pain before you even woke up.

I tried to suffer quietly so as not to wake up or alarm my kids, but after a few minutes the pain escalated to the point that I could no longer keep quiet. The pain was so intense I was moaning loudly and crying a little. My daughter told me later that it sounded like I was having a baby.

Sean came running into my room asking me if I was okay. He then called my mom. She could hear me crying out in pain and told Sean to get me some medicine and a heating pad. She then told him to call 911 if that didn't help.

There was no way I could sit up to take medicine. And if you try to take medicine lying down you'll practically drown yourself.

I was in obvious agony and Sean kept saying he was going to call 911, but I told him (when I could speak) not to. That it would probably ease up in a bit.

Then, after about 30 minutes, it was like someone flipped a switch and the pain was instantly gone.

I'm pretty sure that when I was hurting it was because a cyst was about to burst and when it finally did, the pain was gone. As I was lying there hurting, I remembered seeing an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant where this woman with PCOS was in labor but just thought that a cyst was about to burst. She kept waiting for it to burst, knowing that when it finally did her pain would be gone. Only this time for her it wasn't a cyst.

I've mentioned several times on my blog that I have PCOS and I wrote about the syndrome/disease back in August. This isn't the first time a cyst has burst, but it is the first time I was in this kind of pain from it. The first time it was more like very intense menstrual cramps and I was doubled over in pain for a couple days. This was shorter, but much more intense.

I was sore throughout the day and night after this recent incident, and for the first several hours it felt almost like I was recovering from a c-section. (Both of my children were delivered via c-section.) I moved around slowly and did little to no bending over.

I'm still a little sore/tender all across my lower abdominal area, and I get twinges of pain in my left ovary still, so I'm trying to take it a little easy. But thank God the worst of the pain is over.

Great. I was just looking for a site I could link to about ovarian cysts and I read this:

"Sudden or severe pelvic pain, especially with vomiting or a fever, should be treated as a medical emergency."

Another site said that infection from a cyst bursting can get into your body (causing septic shock, but maybe I would've noticed that by now?) and could also cause internal bleeding.

There was no vomiting or fever (though I didn't check my temperature), but the pain was definitely sudden and severe. I really don't want to have to go to the doctor. :-/ The last time (also the first time) I had a cyst to burst they did one of those internal ultrasounds and I really hate those.

*sigh*

Anyway, I unfortunately had to miss our church's Christmas concert last night. I was too sore and moving around like a granny. I'm still sore, as I said, but moving around like a younger granny. ;-)

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

I've mentioned having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, aka PCOS (*shakes fist*), in passing several times on my blog, but I've never gone into what it means or what all the lovely symptoms are. I've thought about writing about it many times. Here it finally is.

What PCOS is:

An endocrine disorder that affects 5-7% of women of all nationalities and races. It is the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age. It's a leading cause of infertility. PCOS is characterized by multiple abnormal ovarian cysts, which typically look like a "string of pearls" on the ovaries.

PCOS is also called Sclerocystic Ovarian Disease, Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, Chronic Anovulatory Syndrome and Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD).

Symptoms:

• irregular or no menstrual periods
• acne
• obesity/weight gain/inability to lose weight
• breathing problems while sleeping (sleep apnea, snoring)
  
• depression
• oily skin
• infertility
• skin discolorations
• high cholesterol levels
• elevated blood pressure
• excess or abnormal hair growth and distribution
• pain in the lower abdomen and pelvis
• multiple ovarian cysts
• skin tags
• dandruff
• insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes
• male pattern baldness or thinning hair
• thyroid problems
• increased risk for ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, heart attack (women w/PCOS have a 4-7 times greater chance), heart disease and stroke
• low energy levels, fatigue
  

I don't have all of these symptoms, but I do have many (12) of them. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with and I'm often angry and a little depressed over it. I feel like a normal-sized, normal-looking woman trapped in a fat, unhealthy woman's body. This fat, unattractive woman is not the real me. Regardless of the fact that I've been like this for nine years.

I was thin all my life until my late twenties. Even after having two children. I easily got back into my size six's just a couple months after giving birth. I had my daughter in February of 2000. By late 2000, I was beginning to gain weight. Not a lot at first. I went from a size 6 to a size 8. I figured since I'd had two kids that maybe, as with most women, my body just wasn't going to be what it was. I didn't think it was a big deal. I could live with being a size 8, even at my height. (5'0")

But the weight gain wouldn't stop. It was gradual, but noticeable and I hated it. I even got asked a few times if I was pregnant. Grrrr.

Before Kelly was a year old, Charlie and I decided we wanted a third child. Month after month, I hoped I was pregnant, but when I'd take a home pregnancy test I'd find out I wasn't.

After several years of weight gain (I'm now a size 12, though I can wear some size 10s - not a big deal really unless you're really short like me), and unsuccessfully trying to lose it (through exercise, calorie-counting and cutting things out of my diet), and not getting pregnant, I decided to see my ob/gyn in early 2006. (I hadn't seen him since my follow-up visit after having Kelly in 2000.) I suspected I had PCOS from the things I had read online. Testing was done. My thyroid turned out normal, so that wasn't the cause of my weight gain. Other tests (on my hormone levels) proved what I suspected - PCOS.

I'm on birth control pills to help control the symptoms and hormone levels (though it doesn't help enough) and Lipitor for my high cholesterol (though it stays high even with the medication). I'm also taking fish oil pills (to help the cholesterol levels, though I usually forget to take it), folic acid and Biotin (for skin and hair).

I've read that women with PCOS should avoid stressful situations as that can cause flare ups. That could partly explain why my symptoms have been so out of whack lately. I've been worrying about something (personal) for a few months now. If this certain situation would just go back to how things should be, I'd be happier and more at peace.

I can't tell you how depressing it is to have your hair fall out everytime you shower or brush your hair. Or to have acne at this age. Or to be overweight and not be able to lose any of it (not a single pound) no matter how hard you try. Or any of the other embarrassing symptoms I have.

The low energy levels are kicking in today. I have work to do around here, but I'm feeling too lazy to do it. Arrgh.

I live with pain everyday. Not excruciating, but there. I hurt in and around my ovaries every single day. Sometimes it's just a stabbing pain that comes and goes. (And can literally stop me in my tracks.) Usually in just one ovary at a time. Other times it's a constant, dull ache in one or both ovaries that lasts several hours or more. I've been hurting in my right ovary for a few days now.

Ovarian cysts can sometimes rupture and the pain is intense. This happened to me once a couple years ago. I was literally doubled over in pain for 2-3 days. When I went to my ob/gyn, they did an ultrasound and said that a cyst had ruptured. I hope that never happens again.

The cysts can also be quite large. I saw an operation where the doctors removed a cyst about the size of an orange from a woman's ovary. In some cases, they have to remove the ovary with the cyst if the cyst has taken over the ovary.

I've read that most women develop PCOS when they're teenagers. I know of one woman who got it when she was 10.

I also recently read that PCOS is believed to be hereditary. If you have a relative with PCOS or diabetes, then your chances of getting PCOS are high. I've been praying ever since I found this out that my daughter does not get PCOS. It's a horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It would break my heart to see her go through what I'm going through. I sometimes feel like I'm in hell.

Not literal hell, of course. There are no flames. ;-)

Oh, and I also recently found out (last night) that menopause brings no relief. As a matter of fact, some things get worse. Great.