Jury Duty and 19th Anniversary

Monday, December 16th, I had jury duty at the Guilford County Courthouse in downtown Greensboro. One of the  most boring days of my entire life.

I got up at 6:00 AM (?!) and had to be in the jury room by 8:15 AM. Yikes.

There was free parking at a parking lot and a parking garage 2-3 streets over from the courthouse, but that was too far to walk on a morning when it was 29 degrees. (With a breeze on top of that, no less, making it feel even colder.) So I parked in the parking garage diagonally across and down the street a bit. It was still a very cold walk (I was shaking and shivering), but not as miserable as it would've been walking from the free parking garage.

When I finally got inside the building, I had to pick up a bin, put my purse inside the bin, and take off my coat. The line moved at a decent pace and when I got to the scanner machine thing (totally blanking on what that's called), of which there were three, I told the security lady that I had a nail file in my purse. (A sign outside said that we had to let them know about nail files, scissors, knives, etc.) She asked me to get it out, which I did, and then told me that I could have it stored for 25 cents or throw it away. I told her to just go ahead and throw it away. I can buy a new one. So she handed it back to me, along with my purse, bin, and coat, and told me to go back to the desk near the doors to take care of that. Seriously? She couldn't just throw it in the trash near her and let me through? *rolling my eyes*

When I finally made it back through security and to the jury room on the 3rd floor, it was around 8:20. And so began a long, excruciatingly boring day.

Sometime around 8:30 or so, a man came in and talked to us about what the schedule would be for the day, what we could expect, and those who could be excused from jury duty (felons, people who can't understand English or are hard of hearing or aren't citizens, etc.). When he left, I got out the book I had brought (Under the Same Sky, by Genevieve Graham) and read a few chapters, but then my head started to hurt a little bit and feel kind of sluggish. So, then I messed around on Facebook on my phone, but after awhile there was nothing new to read there. So, then I played a few hands of solitaire, but that got boring. *sigh* Lather, rinse, repeat.

Around 10:30, the lady who sits in the office in the jury assembly room (I can't remember what her title is) came into the room. She said that of the four court rooms (and four cases), only one would need a jury that day. She began reading names off of a list of people who were chosen as potential jurors for that case and I prayed she would skip over my name. While not being chosen as a potential juror would mean continuing to be bored in the jury assembly room, being chosen could mean more than a day serving on the jury and I couldn't do that, being a homeschool mom and no one else to watch/teach my kids for days on end.

My kids, by the way, were with my mom, who happened to be off work that day. She had a CAT scan (which came back negative - no cancer) and, of course, had to bring my kids with her, but she wasn't there long.

Anyway, my name did get skipped over. Yay! But of the 29 people whose names they called, if less than 12 of them were chosen for the case, more people would have to be chosen from the remaining pool of potential jurors in the jury assembly room. So there was still the possibility of having my name called. Thankfully, that never happened.

So, anyway, more boredom in the jury assembly room. Ugh. I wanted so bad to go home, but you can't leave until they release you. And though I'm an introvert, I wished so much that people would've started conversations with one another that I could've maybe felt comfortable enough to participate in. But no one talked. I did talk a little bit (a few sentences) with a woman standing next to me waiting for the elevators to go to lunch and I had hoped that it would maybe create enough of a connection for us to talk while we waited, but nothing more came of it. *sigh*

So, yeah, lunch. Before lunch, the office lady had said something about us probably being able to leave early (a juror's day is typically 8:15 AM to 5:00 PM) since they only needed jurors for one case and 29 should be more than enough for them to get just 12 jurors. So I thought maybe we'd get to go home before lunch. Nope.

Lunchtime came (12:30) and we were still there, so we were told we could go eat. Well, I didn't want to have to go back through security again (not to mention walking to my car, driving somewhere, driving back, parking again, walking back to the courthouse), so I just went to the little lunch room on the lower ground floor where there were snack machines. Oh, joy. I chose a small bag of pretzels and a bottle of water.

I took one bite of a pretzel (I had been up since 6:00 and this was the first thing I ate) and instantly felt sick before it even hit my stomach. I felt very strongly that I was going to throw up and then I felt very strongly that I was going to faint. I was hot, clammy, and shaky. I sat with my head in my hands, elbows on the table, and waited for it to pass. After a few minutes, I felt slightly better and slowly began to nibble on the pretzels and take sips of water. By the time I was done eating, I felt quite a bit better, but of course nowhere near satisfied. I couldn't wait to go home and actually eat something.

I went back to the jury assembly room around 1:15 and waited for lunch to be over at 2:00 (I did a little more reading, a little more FB, a little more solitaire), when the office lady was supposed to be back. She didn't come back until about 2:20 and then we had to wait a few more minutes for her to finally come back to the assembly room from her office and let us know what would happen next. Could we finally go home now? She read off the names of those who were in the assembly room, including my name, and then told us we could go home. Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus!

It was still a little cold outside, but not nearly as cold as it had been that morning. But I was just happy to be going home.

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Tuesday, December 17th, was mine and my husband's 19th wedding anniversary. 19 years. Wow. Practically unheard of in this day of divorcing rather than sticking it out through the hard times, staying true to your vows and the covenant you made with one another and with God - for better or worse, until death! There's a quote that says that when it comes to marriage, sometimes the better comes after the worse and I totally believe it.

I wish Charlie could've been here, but he's still in Oklahoma working. He should be flying home this weekend and then he'll have to go back to OK sometime after Christmas. We'll go on our anniversary date one night while he's here. I'll be glad to see him and spend time with him. Everyday I love him more.

What is Love?

This is love ...



And this ...



What an amazing lady. And what a wonderful little French town to remember those who paid the ultimate price for their freedom.

Love bears all things and endures all things. Love never fails and never ends. In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part. Unconditional.

18 Years

 
Today is my and my husband's 18th wedding anniversary. We were talking the other day about our anniversary coming up and how it doesn't feel like it's been 18 years since we got married. He said it feels more like 4 or 5 and I said it feels more like 10. Even though I'm almost 40 years old, I don't feel old enough to be celebrating 18 years of marriage. lol

So much has happened in these 18 years. Some bad, but most of it good. We started off with very little. We lived with my parents when we were first married. And then when my parents separated shortly after we got married, we lived with my mom. We all helped each other.

In April of 1996 we left Greensboro and moved to La Grange, NC. A small town (population less than 3000) between Kinston and Goldsboro. Other than my husband's boss, we didn't know a soul there. All we had was each other. We missed Greensboro a lot, but moving to La Grange, where the cost of living was lower and my husband could make a bit more money, was the best thing we could do to get caught up financially.

The first house we rented in La Grange was a really old two-bedroom house in the country. We were literally surrounded by farm fields. The house was in bad need of renovations (which they did after we moved out), but I tried to make the best of it.

The refrigerator was missing a handle, only two of the burners on the stove worked, the oven didn't work at all, we had no washer or dryer (I washed clothes in the bathtub and hung them up in the bathroom to dry until Charlie's boss's wife said we could use her washer and dryer), there was no air conditioning or heat (I'd wake up cold and then later in the day it would be so hot I'd go sit in the car with the a/c running). The carpet was so yucky and matted down it felt wet, so I never walked on it barefooted. The water in the bathroom was so full of rust that sometimes I'd have orange, sticky gunk in my hair and would have to rewash it. We didn't have a bed to sleep in, so we would take the cushions (all were removeable) off the couch and chairs and make a bed out of them on the living room floor.

One day, about a month after we moved, I had had enough and immediately took down the pictures from the walls and began packing. I told Charlie I wasn't going to live in that house anymore. I didn't care that the rent was only $250 a month. We found a house in town shortly after that for $350 a month. A cute two-bedroom house (white w/black shutters) that had just been completely renovated. I was so glad to get out of that house in the country.

We started our marriage with almost nothing, but we had each other and God.

In the summer of 1996, I found out I was pregnant. We hadn't been trying. I didn't even think I could get pregnant and I didn't want kids, but I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant.

In March of 1997 (I'm leaving out a lot of details), when I was 9 months pregnant, we left La Grange and moved back to Greensboro. We were so happy to be back home! I gave birth to my son Sean about 2 weeks later on April 9th.

Summer 1998, we bought our first house. That October (Halloween), we moved in. We still live in that house. We did try selling it once (November 2007 - November 2008), but though a lot of people said they liked our house, no one ever put in an offer. We'd like to try again next year.

In early summer 1999, we found out I was pregnant again. This one we did try for for 6 months. February 8, 2000, the day after my 27th birthday (I had gone to the hospital the night of my birthday to be induced the next morning), I gave birth to my daughter Kelly.

I've loved so much being Sean and Kelly's mother. As I read somewhere, they are my heart walking around outside of my body.

In early 2001, we nearly lost our home to foreclosure. The mortgage company sent a letter wanting us to write to them and tell them why we were behind. There were several reasons why (the expenses that come with kids like diapers, prescription for Kelly, etc., a cut in Charlie's pay, increase in how much was taken out of his paychecks for insurance, etc.), which I explained to them. Then the waiting and the praying began. I remember being so afraid and being in the shower crying. I felt like God spoke to my heart and said, "Don't you trust Me?" And then I knew that no matter what happened, we would be okay.

The mortgage company decided to work with us and we didn't lose our home.

There have been other hardships (much more personal) as well as the loss of too many loved ones since we got married (my father, Charlie's mother, [his father died before we knew each other], 3 of my grandparents [one died before I knew Charlie], a few of my uncles, one of his sisters, his oldest nephew, one of my cousins), sickness (endometriosis, PCOS - me), and of course just the daily responsibilities of working, paying bills, and taking care of our kids.

We've had our struggles just like any other married couple has, but I can say honestly and without any hesitation or doubt that I love Charlie now more than I did the day I married him. Every day I love him more.

Unfortunately, Charlie is in Mississippi working (he's been there nearly 2 weeks), but should hopefully be home by the weekend.

I close this entry with one of the songs from our wedding:
Pause the music player at the bottom of your screen.

Love and Marriage

Sean is still running a low fever and will miss another day of school today. He's already missed more school than he should, but I can't send him to school fevered.

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I love the articles over at MarriageMoment.org and have linked to several in the margin of my blog. One of their most recent is called Love Thinks No Evil. Here are a couple excerpts:

"In the immediate sense, the phrase 'love thinks no evil' teaches us that those who possess and characterize true love are not disposed to find evil where no evil seems to be. In other words, those who truly grasp biblical love do not suppose that good, or even neutral, actions have bad motives. They do not reason a negative opinion upon mere appearances or infer impure intent from the actions or words of others.

"This is a critical concept that has practical application to the marriage. One of the worst enemies of strong relationships – and of love itself – is negative perceptions or interpretations. This is an extremely common phenomenon in which spouses identify and interpret their partner’s actions, behavior, conduct, words, motives, intentions, and so forth in a negative way – or at least more negatively than is actually the case. In other words people believe they know the thoughts and emotions behind their mate’s conduct and become convinced that it is negative in nature. They see wrong in their partner even when it is not there. [See related article.]"

"In contrast to scorekeeping, love does not impute evil to the account of those who have committed wrongdoing against it. On the contrary, love fully and freely excuses injury done to it – and remembers it no more. If we truly characterize biblical love, we are never to be resentful or vengeful. We must forgive and refuse to look back. One translation of this verse declares that love 'pays no attention to a suffered wrong'. Yet another says that love 'remembers no evil'. This is a critical notion that all married couples should heed."

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"It takes more faith to endure than it does to escape." -- Warren Wiersbe

"Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity." -- Cicero

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough." -- Melody Beattie

This and That

My heart, my love and my prayers have been with my husband's family today. I hurt for my nephew's mother and siblings. Things like this just shouldn't happen. :-(

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This song has been on my mind since Saturday night:



What a beautiful, powerful song.

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Not feeling well today. Headache, slight feeling of having been run over by a truck, general blahness. I hope I'm not coming down with something.

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I read a really great article over at Marriage Moment called Love is Not Self-Seeking.

"The focus of marriage used to be on advancing family, community, and society. Now the focus seems to be on what the individual can get out of the relationship emotionally, financially, and otherwise. And, all too often when a marriage not perceived to be fulfilling these functions sufficiently it is discarded or abandon in pursuit of another relationship.

In order to find real joy and contentment in your marriage and in life you must first learn the lesson that love is not self-seeking. You must come to accept that times of personal unhappiness are sometimes necessary. A commitment to love involves a commitment to sacrifice. Putting the best interests of your relationship with your mate in front of your personal welfare will ultimately benefit both you and your partner. Loving God’s way never fails."

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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." -- Dale Carnegie

"When you refuse to talk to your spouse, you're hurting your marriage. Eliminate your pride ... talk!"

"When spouses are not communicating, the devil is able to sow lies and other wicked seeds into each spouse's mind."

"Husbands: What you did to get her is what you do to keep her. Never stop dating your wife."

"One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again." -- Judith Viorst

Pretty Dresses, B-Day Party, Marriage Quotes

Kelly and I did the usual Friday grocery shopping this past Friday. I was also able to get her a new dress for church. It was on sale at JCPenney for less than $24, before tax.

Close-up of the rosette detail along the neckline. Click to enlarge.

I was able to get her another dress today and a few shirts (I couldn't find a picture of the third one), which were all on sale.

JCPenney

Belk

Belk

It's hard for me to believe that she's already wearing a size 14 in dresses. I was wearing a size 14 when I was 13 years old. Kelly will only be 11 in a couple weeks. And she almost needs a size 16 in dresses for the length. A size 16 is too big for her as far as how it fits her body (she tried on a 16 today), but is just about right for length. When it comes to shoes, she can almost fit into my size 6's perfectly. She's probably going to be taller than me. Not that it takes much - I'm only 5'0".

Charlie got Sean a new belt for school (which he needed badly) and some pants. Now he just needs a couple long-sleeved polos, which can be hard to find for some reason. Seems like most stores only sell the short-sleeved polos. Sean also needs new church clothes and church shoes. Kelly needs a few more church dresses, church shoes and skirts for school. Which are also hard to find unless you want mini-skirts. We don't.

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Yesterday was my niece (on Charlie's side) Samantha's 11th birthday. We went to Raleigh, where she lives, for her party. There was skating, Mexican food, presents and an Oreo ice cream cake. It was nice to spend time with family.

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More marriage quotes that a preacher "friend" has been posting on Facebook:

"Bitterness eats away from the goodness that God has given to us in marriage." -- Paul Buckness

"Working marriages need spouses who have marital backbones that can withstand the hard times of marriage." - Love that one!

"Are you blaming your spouse for YOUR attitude, mistakes, choices, actions, inability to be happy, etc?"

"GOD created the institution of marriage and defined it on HIS terms as the central institution of human society. We'd be wise to follow that."

"Spouses: Be committed to the vow you've made despite the differences or challenges you may face."

"Marriage is a commitment; a promise to stay with your spouse for the rest of your life. Are you keeping your promise?"


And a non-marriage quote:

"One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present." -- Stephen Covey

Marriage Quotes

One of my Facebook "friends" is a preacher up in Virginia. Apparently he's been teaching about marriage lately on Wednesday nights at the church he pastors. He's shared a few things on Facebook that I really liked. I copied and pasted them to my computer where I keep a very long list of favorite quotes. I actually have two long lists of favorite quotes.

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson

"Love your spouse so well that you make your friends and neighbors jealous."

"A negative attitude, a negative mouth, and negative behavior will net you a negative marriage."

"Your spouse is far more important than guests: So he/she should get better treatment than they do."

"Choose your spouse over all other human relationships." -- Ooh, I really like that one a lot!

"The Christian is supposed to love his neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she should be his deepest love." -- Martin Luther

A quote by another preacher I'm a "fan" of on Facebook had this non-marriage thing to say:

"You can choose your sin, but you can't choose your consequence." -- So true.

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And now for more from Proverbs.

21:2, 4, 6, 13
"2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth [examines] the hearts. ... 4 An high [haughty; conceited] look, and a proud heart, and the plowing [lamp; evil actions] of the wicked, is sin. ... 6 The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a vanity [fleeting; a waste of time] tossed to and fro of them that seek death. ... 13 Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard."

21:16, 21, 23
"16 The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remain in the congregation of the dead. ... 21 He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness, and honour. ... 23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles."

21: 28-29
"28 A false witness shall perish [will be cut off]: but the man that heareth [listens to the truth] speaketh constantly [will speak forever]. 29 A wicked man hardeneth his face [bluffs; puts on a bold face or front]: but as for the upright, he directeth his way [thinks before he acts; prepares his way]."

This and That

I'll be so glad when it starts feeling like this is North Carolina and not somewhere in the frozen north. This cold weather is most unwelcome. Normal highs for this time of year are in the low 50s, but it's been in the low to mid 30s. I'm not sure if it even made it out of the 20s yesterday. Insane. We might get some snow, sleet and freezing rain starting tonight and into tomorrow. Hopefully that means school will be cancelled or delayed. I hate driving in winter weather and on streets that could be dangerous.

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I got the car inspected on Monday and then Kelly and I went to the license plate agency yesterday to get the registration/tags/sticker things taken care of for the car and Charlie's car hauler. More from my to-do list is done. Just a few more things to do, including buying more stocking stuffers, wrapping presents and getting things for Christmas dinner. I may also make chocolate chip cookies for our neighbors Anthony and Felicia, the ones who like my kids so much, and put them in a pretty Christmas tin to give them.

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There's a website/blog I like called Marriage Moment, which I've added the link to in my margin above the Blogroll. I've also "liked" them at Facebook, so any updates they post show up there. Today's was about how God hates divorce. Something I already know. A scripture they quoted is one I'm familiar with, but it was quoted from a version of the Bible I haven't read before. I like how this version put it:

Malachi 2:13-16 says:

This is another thing you do. You drown the LORD's altar with tears, weeping and wailing because he no longer accepts the offerings you bring him. You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. Didn't God make you one body and spirit with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. "I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.” (GNB)

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And now for something I've been thinking about: Unhappiness.

It always boggles my mind when someone quits doing what's right, quits serving God and going to church, turns their back on their morals and beliefs, and starts doing things they used to be morally and Biblically opposed to and things that are obviously wrong to anyone with a brain. They then find themselves unhappy and instead of placing the blame where it should be, they blame someone else.

I just have to shake my head.

Say there's a man who is allergic to a particular kind of food. He knows that if he eats it he will have a severe reaction to it. He knows it's bad for him. He avoids that food for many years. Then one day he feels like he just has to have it. He's craving it. He not only doesn't care that it could make him very sick and possibly kill him, he actually forgets that it could. So he eats it. And then he becomes very sick. But instead of blaming himself, he blames someone else. "It's your fault I became sick!" "Uh, no. You chose to eat something you knew was bad for you. What made you think it would end well?"

I really don't get people like that. People who start doing drugs or cheat on their spouse (whether it be through pornography or lusting after another woman, because Jesus calls this adultery, or actual sex or "just" having a non-sexual relationship with another woman or man or falling in love with someone else) or live a life of disobedience to God and His Word or become alcoholics or any other thing that's obviously wrong and a sin. These types of behavior then lead to what they only can lead to - unhappiness.

Don't blame someone else if the choices you make lead to your unhappiness. It's all on you, my friend. It's not your spouse's fault or another family member or a friend or a co-worker if you find yourself unhappy after you stop serving God or cheat on your spouse or become a drug addict or whatever. The fault is yours and yours alone.

These things seem fun at first. "The pleasures of sin for a season." But that's how sin always is. It always looks attractive and pleasurable and desirable in the beginning. You enjoy it for a while. Then the fun ends and you find yourself broken, alone and unhappy because of the wrong choices you made. You made. If you're going to point fingers at anyone, point them at yourself. What's that old saying about when you point your finger at someone else there are four more pointing back at you?

Take responsibility for your actions and your choices. Don't blame someone else.


My current Facebook status:

"Tolerance can lead to acceptance. Acceptance can lead to participation."

Be careful what you "tolerate". Too many have turned their backs on their morals and beliefs and God's Word because of it. I'm a witness to it. I've seen people who had good, high morals get involved in things they should not be involved in - drugs, porn, strip clubs, alcohol, etc. This in turn affected their attitude and personality and changed them into something they weren't before - cold, uncaring, selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered. Then they find themselves unhappy (surprise, surprise) and rather than take responsibility for their choices, they blame someone else for their unhappiness. I can't help but shake my head. It boggles the mind.

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I'm not feeling well today (headache, sore throat, general blahness) and dropped Sean off at Karate. They're having their Christmas party this evening after class. I'll pick him up when it's over.

I Keep on Loving You

A lady I've known since I was a little girl posted a video of a song by Reba McEntire on Facebook yesterday. I had never heard the song before. I'm not a fan of country music (there are a lot of '90s country songs I like) or of Reba McEntire (though I have always liked her song You Lie), but I like the words of this song. It's called I Keep on Lovin' You.



Love takes the patience of Job,
That's what my Mama always said.
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know,
That's what the Good Book says.
You gotta play the cards you got.
Who knows what fate is holding.
At times you gotta go without knowing where you're going.

That's why I keep on lovin' you.
I keep on lovin' you.
Through the "Baby, don't leave mes"
And "Never will agains"
And "I promise tos",
I keep on lovin' you.

Lord knows we've had our share of fights,
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs.
We've had plenty and then some of "Baby, I'm gones" and turnarounds.
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel.
Someday we're gonna look back,
Say, "Look at us now."

That's why I keep on lovin' you.
I keep on lovin' you.
Through the "Baby, don't leave mes"
And "Never will agains"
And "I promise tos",
I keep on lovin' you.

Keep on lovin' you.
Through the "I take it backs",
"I didn't mean it like thats",
"I'd never hurt yous."
Oh, I keep on lovin' you

I keep on lovin' you.
I keep on lovin' you.
Through the "I take it backs",
"I didn't mean it like thats",
"I'd never hurt yous."
Oh, I keep on lovin' you.
I keep on lovin' you.
I keep on lovin' you.

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This world has made love something God never intended for it to be - conditional. Oh, people will love their children unconditionally and some will love their friends unconditionally, but when it comes to their spouses it's, "I'll love you always and keep my vows to you unless you do this, this and/or this."

That's not how it's supposed to be. God commands unconditional love between husbands and wives. People give up, walk out and quit loving too easily. And many times it's over unimportant nonsense or illegitimate reasons. Not always, but it happens far too often.

Your spouse doesn't make you happy? Why put all your happiness on them? God never told us that our happiness depends entirely on our spouses. That's a tall order that no human being could ever fill. It's not even one of the things God commands husbands or wives to do for their spouses. He commands love, He commands respect, He commands we not leave each other, He commands husbands to provide for their wives and children, He commands husbands not to be harsh with their wives, He even commands sex (yep), but He does not command we make each other happy.

Happiness depends on things that happen. Which means it can change from one day to the next. Or even one month to the next, depending on what's going on in your life. But, as a wise Christian lady said, your happiness is not superior to the command to keep the covenant you made with your spouse. When God made His covenant with us, He did not include a divorce clause (as someone else wisely put it). Nor did He say that He would honor His covenant with us only as long as we make Him happy.

Marriage, which represents the union between Jesus and the church, is a covenant that God binds us to and expects us to keep and honor. According to Romans 1, God will judge covenantbreakers.

Just as Jesus protects and provides for and takes care of His people, God expects husbands to do the same for their wives. Just as Jesus will never separate Himself from His people, God commands us to never separate from our spouses.

Anyway, I said more than I planned on saying. Back to the original purpose of this entry.

The words of that song touched me because I feel the same way about my husband. No matter what, I keep on loving him. Has he disappointed me, messed up, done or said the wrong things in the past, even hurt me? Yes, he has. People will do that to us. Even our spouses. Only God is perfect. But I keep on loving my husband. He is my one and only. The love of my life. Nothing will ever change that.

Tear-jerker

This made me cry and I had to share it. I don't know who wrote it, but it was shared by a man who is himself happily married.

Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?"

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce", she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding mommy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown bigger." I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mom out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."

I drove to the office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore."

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?", she said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Jane", I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us part."

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us part."

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. You will have a real happy marriage!

A Christ-centered marriage is a marriage that is sure to last a lifetime.

"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." Matthew 19:6

Family

Found in Google images.

These are quotes about family that I recently came across. I hope y'all like them.

"Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice." -- Reinhold Niebuhr

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." -- Charles R. Swindoll

"I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich." -- Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "Identity Crisis," M*A*S*H

"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons." -- Johann Schiller

"The family is a haven in a heartless world." -- Attributed to Christopher Lasch

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." -- Joyce Brothers

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." -- Paul Pearshall

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." -- George Eliot

"At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable." -- Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing”

“No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?” -- Elbert Hubbard

“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.”

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -- Theodore Hesburgh

“No man on his death bed ever looked up into the eyes of his family and friends and said, 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.' "

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.” -- Ring Lardner

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it." -- George Moore

"Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing." -- Jim Rohn

Wives and Mothers

"When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband." -- Author Unknown

"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." -- Oscar Wilde

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." -- Agatha Christie

"I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me 'mommy.' " -- Author Unknown

"I thought my mom's whole purpose was to be my mom. That's how she made me feel." -- Natasha Gregson Wagner

"I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise."
-- Meredith Gray

"Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy." -- Danielle Steel

"One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters." -- George Herbert

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." -- Sophia Loren

"Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering." -- Elaine Heffner

“The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.” -- Mexican Proverb

Husbands and Fathers

"A man should never neglect his family for business." -- Walt Disney

"A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child." -- Knights of Pythagoras

"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad." -- Author Unknown

"Dads don't need to be tall and broad-shouldered and clever. Love makes them so." -- Pam Brown

"His heritage to his children wasn't words or possessions, but an unspoken treasure, the treasure of his example as a man and a father." -- Will Rogers Jr.

"It is a wise father that knows his own child." -- William Shakespeare

"It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping." -- John Sinor

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father." -- Pope John XXIII

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance." -- Ruth E. Renkel

"The first man a little girl falls in love with is her dad." -- Author Unknown

"The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart." -- Mencius

"I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is the harmony, style, joy, and dignity he creates in his marriage, and the pleasure and inspiration he provides for his spouse." -- Benjamin McLane Spock

Love, Marriage, Communication, Obedience

"People are the most precious of all gifts and the way we treat them is direct correlation to how we view our God, as we are created in His image." -- Linda Brown

On April 30th, I wrote about marriage and what God says about it. Ephesians 5:25 has stuck with me and I've thought about it quite a bit. In that verse, men are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the church. He loves us so much (unconditionally) that He gave His life to save us. A man is commanded to love his wife in the same way. Unconditionally, without end, and with all that is in him.

Then I thought about how some men claim to be Christian, yet they treat their wives terribly. Some men (not all) who claim to be Christian yell at their wives, are selfish, spend little time with their wives, sometimes ignore them, insult them, cheat on them, break their hearts and even walk out on them.

When I look at such awful behavior and compare it to Ephesians 5:25, I can't help but wonder just what kind of opinion they have of God. How a man (who believes in God or the existence of God or who claims to be Christian) treats his wife says a lot to me about how he views God. Treating his wife wrongly tells me that his relationship with God is not what it should be.

No man who truly loves God, believes His Word and wishes to please Him will hurt his wife or leave her. It's impossible, in my opinion. If a man has a close relationship with God and reads and believes what God says in His Word (about marriage and other things), He will also have a good relationship with his wife (as long as she isn't difficult, disobedient to God and/or uncooperative), will love her the way he's supposed to love her and will never break her heart or leave her. *

And for that matter, any woman who has a close relationship with God and reads and believes His Word will have a good relationship with her husband (as long as he isn't difficult, disobedient to God and/or uncooperative) and will be what God's Word says she should be as a wife. *

Communication is just as important in our relationship with God as it is with our spouse. Neither relationship can be what it should be if there is a lack of communication.

Do you need something from God? Talk to Him. Ask Him for what you need. "You have not because you ask not."

Do you need something from your spouse? Is there something in the relationship that's bothering you? Talk to your spouse about it. Otherwise, you have no right to complain if things don't change. And you have no right to give up and walk away if things aren't going just the way you want them to if you never even bother to sit down and talk about it and work on things together.

Not that God would be okay with a person leaving their spouse anyway. (Except for in the case of adultery or physical abuse.) God commands husbands to dwell with their wives and to not seek to end the marriage. And He commands love towards each other and sex with each other, as well as provision for the wife by the husband, and those things cannot happen if you leave. Leaving your spouse (unless there's adultery or physical abuse) is disobedience to God's Word.

It seems like there's been an increase (not a huge increase, but a noticeable one) among so-called Christian men (in my circle of friends, aquaintances, friends of friends, etc.) hurting their wives and/or walking out on them. My mind can't comprehend such cruelty and downright disobedience from those who are supposed to know better.

I think that, along with neglecting their relationship with God, they've probably allowed the opinions and beliefs of ungodly friends, family, co-workers and other outside influences to pull them away from God and away from God's commands about marriage. They then become selfish and expect things from their wives that either go against God's Word or that maybe are fine, but because they didn't actually talk to their wives about it, they walked away when their wives couldn't read their minds.

And if the men were influenced so badly that they began to look at porn or go to strip clubs (which is cheating - Matthew 5:28), suddenly their wives' bodies aren't attractive enough (they like the fake and the airbrushed now) and suddenly they expect their wives to act like the immoral, over-exaggerating "actresses" in the porn videos.

Once you break your relationship with God and you disobey Him time after time, pulling away from Him and doing your own thing, not caring that you're hurting your wife and children (or husband and children, if it's the wife who's pulled away from God), you open yourself up to all kinds of sin and vileness and attacks from the enemy. But that can only go on for so long before you wake up one day and realize you've hit rock bottom and have lost all that you once held dear - God, church, wife, husband, children, family, home.

The enemy has launched an all out attack on marriage. He hates marriage. Marriage was ordained of God and represents Christ's relationship with His church. The enemy loves it when he breaks up a marriage because it's what he wishes he could do with Jesus and His people.

If you feel like ending your marriage is the right thing to do, it's not God who's leading you to that conclusion. God hates divorce and commands husbands and wives to dwell together (though you're free to divorce if your spouse committed adultery) and love each other unconditionally.

* That's not to say that a person can't have a good relationship with their spouse if they don't serve God. It's just that I believe that a person can't have a bad relationship with their spouse if they have a good relationship with God, as long as the spouse is cooperative and loving, even if the spouse isn't serving God. I Corinthians 7:12-13 says that if an unbelieving spouse is content to stay with a believing spouse, then they should remain together. (The believer's influence could save the unbeliever.) But if the unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is free.

Marriage

~ 4:10 PM EST. I forgot to add something to this when I first wrote it. Look for the ~ symbol.

I don't consider myself an expert on the subject of marriage (though I've been married for 15 years), there's always room for improvement. Nor am I an expert on the Bible, though I've been in church and serving God from a very young age. But I don't think I'm a novice on either subject.

I've done personal studies on a few subjects in the past to see what the Bible says about some things. Since being what God wants me to be is very important to me, and so is being a good wife and mother, I looked up scriptures that are directed towards women and also scriptures that are about marriage.

I sometimes seek out ways to improve myself, even if only in a small area, and this time I've been trying to be a better wife and mother. Well, it's an all the time thing really. But I wanted to especially focus on the scriptural aspects.

I will not write about this as if I am an expert, since as I said earlier, I'm not an expert. I will only share what various sources say about things and how I personally understand it. This isn't so much for others as it is me sharing how I understand things for myself.

If you're not a Christian and don't care anything about the Bible's teachings on marriage, then you can skip this. The purpose of writing this is not to stir up debate or to get other people's opinions. I first started this blog as a sort of personal (though public, so many of the very private details of my life have never been shared here) journal and never expected many, if any, people to read it. Though I'm certainly glad to have anyone here who's interested. I welcome all friendly readers and commenters. :-)

I don't talk a lot on my blog about the Bible or God or church, though they are very important to me. So I hope that y'all will bear with me and not run away when the occasional entry about such things is written here.

Before I get into this, I want to also say that I thought it funny that these scriptures are ones I've read many times, but I didn't really focus on them before, and so their meaning didn't fully sink in. Now I've read them with purpose and a desire to truly understand what they mean.


Unity, Faithfulness and Divorce

Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8 and Ephesians 5:31 all say that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Cleave means to be united, to be joined, to hold fast. A man should be closer to his wife than to his own parents.

Wesley's Notes say this: "The virtue of a divine ordinance, and the bonds of it, are stronger even than those of nature."

In Matthew and Mark, Jesus goes on to say that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. (In other words, don't get divorced.) And also, if a man or woman puts away (divorces) his or her spouse, unless it's because of adultery, and then marries someone else, they have committed adultery. Why? Because in God's eyes, you are still married to your first spouse (unless the divorce was caused by adultery), even if you are not according to "the law of the land". These two are one flesh.


I Corinthians 7:27 says in the NIV, "Are you married? Do not seek a divorce."

In the New Living Translation, "If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage."

In the American King James Version, "Are you bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed."

Bible in Basic English, "If you are married to a wife, make no attempt to get free."


Malachi 2:16 says, "For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." Remember, "putting away" means divorce. God hates divorce.

In verses 13 and 14, God said that He would refuse the offerings of those who have "dealt treacherously" with their wives. "She is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant." Covenant being the marriage covenant, the marriage vows. A covenant is sacred and should not be broken. Romans 1 says that "covenantbreakers" are worthy of death.

Dealt treacherously means (according to various interpretations): have broken faith with, have been unfaithful to, have despised.

Men should be faithful to their wives, keep their vows and love their wives. Otherwise God will not accept their offerings or answer their prayers. Not until they repent and make things right with their wives.

Galatians 5 says that those who commit adultery "shall not inherit the kingdom of God".


~ Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

A man should only lust after his wife. This is why porn and strip clubs are so wrong. It's a sin against God's Word and a betrayal (cheating) against a man's wife. Any man who's having a problem with this needs to stop and he needs to ask God to help him. God will always help you do the right thing if you sincerely want it and if you ask Him to.


Ephesians 5:32, (after it saying in verse 31 that "they two shall be one flesh"), compares marriage to Christ and the church. In verse 25, husbands are told to love [verb; requires action] their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

Think about that for a minute. A man is supposed to love his wife the way Jesus loves us. He's supposed to give himself to her and for her completely. Do you think Jesus wants to be separated or divorced from His church? Marriage is supposed to represent that covenant. It is sacred and precious and should never be broken.

I thought about a few verses and applied them to marriage. In one of them, Jesus says He will never leave us or forsake us. Well, if a man is to love his wife according to God's will (as Christ loved the church), then he should never leave or forsake (turn away from; give up or refuse) his wife.

Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."


~ Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence [respect] her husband."

This is what the Matthew Henry Commentary says in response to Ephesians 5:22-33:

"The duty of wives is, submission to their husbands in the Lord, which includes honouring and obeying them, from a principle of love to them. The duty of husbands is to love their wives. The love of Christ to the church is an example, which is sincere, pure, and constant, notwithstanding her failures. ... The words of Adam, mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church. It was a kind of type, as having resemblance. There will be failures and defects on both sides, in the present state of human nature, yet this does not alter the relation. All the duties of marriage are included in unity and love. And while we adore and rejoice in the condescending love of Christ, let husbands and wives learn hence their duties to each other. Thus the worst evils would be prevented, and many painful effects would be avoided."


Sex

I Corinthians 7:3-5 says in the New Living Translation: "The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I think that's pretty self-explanatory. :-)


Duties and Position

Colossians 3:18-19, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love [verb; requires action] your wives, and be not bitter against them."

Why should wives submit? (Besides the fact that God said so.) Because the husband is the head of the wife. [I Corinthians 11:3] He represents Jesus in the marriage (as marriage compares to Jesus and the church) and the wife represents the church, the bride of Christ. Who has the authority? Jesus or His people? Jesus is the head of the church.

A body can only have one head. And just as the body (wife) can't do without the head (husband), the head (husband) can't do without the body (wife).

It reminds me of that saying, I think I heard it in that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the husband is the head, but the wife is the neck and the neck turns the head. ;-)


Genesis calls woman man's helpmeet. [Helper; female helper; relief; aid.] Ladies, our men need us. Whether they believe it or understand it or agree with it or not. We are here to help them. Lord knows they need it. ;-)

"Be not bitter against them" means "never treat them harshly". Husbands should be kind to their wives.


I Timothy 5:8, "But if any [man] provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

Any man who does not provide for his wife and children is worse than an unbeliever. He is worse than someone who doesn't believe in God. And if someone who doesn't believe in God can't make it to heaven, I can't help but wonder how a man who (purposely) does not provide for his family can make it. A man must love his family, be affectionate with them, spend time with them, support them financially and lead them spiritually as he is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home.

This doesn't mean that a man who loses his job is doing wrong. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. But he should do his best to provide for them. And if he trusts God and serves Him, God will provide and will supply all your need. Including a job. You've just got to trust Him and serve Him.


Titus 2:3-5 says that women should "be sober [wise]", "love their husbands", "love their children", "be discreet [sensible; self-controlled], chaste [morally pure; clean in heart], keepers at home [housewives; busy at home; manage their households; work in their homes; workers at home; homemakers], good [kind; gentle], obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed [maligned; discredited; shamed; reviled; dishonored; exposed to reproach]."


**Notice that anytime scripture tells husbands to love their wives and wives to love their husbands, there are no conditions attached. No list of unlesses. It doesn't say husbands/wives love your wives/husbands unless they hurt you or unless they disagree with you or unless you don't share every hobby/interest or unless they make you angry or unless they walk out. Or whatever. God commands unconditional love.

Since God commands husbands to love their wives as Jesus loves the church, and His love is unconditional ("who can separate us from the love of God?"), then a husband's love for his wife must also be unconditional and never ending.


I Peter 3:1-2, 7, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection [submit] to your own husbands; that, if any [husbands] obey not the word, they [husbands] may also without the word be won by the conversation [behavior; lifestyle] of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [your pure, reverent, holy lives] coupled with fear [of God]...Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them [your wives] according to knowledge [with understanding; in an understanding way], giving honour [respect] unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel [delicate partner; female; friend; helper], and as being heirs together [equal partners] of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

Geneva Study Bible says that husbands should have "an honest care" for their wives and their wives should not "be neglected".

It also says that "All fighting and rebuking must be avoided, because they hinder prayers and the whole service of God, to which both the husband and wife are equally called."

Matthew Henry Commentary says, "...giving due respect unto her, and maintaining her authority, protecting her, and placing trust in her."


A word on submission.

Submit: "to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to defer to (respectfully submit to) or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another."

In order to submit, there must first be disagreement. ("You can't submit to someone you agree with. There's nothing to submit.") What I mean is, it's fine and normal for wives to disagree with their husbands on some things. But then the wife must submit to the husband's decision.

The husband should listen to his wife, care about her opinion and view on things, no matter how different from his own, and be man enough to agree with her and do what she wants if he sees and believes that she's right. But the decision is ultimately up to him. And if he makes the wrong decision, it will be on him, not the wife. That's a lot of pressure. I know I wouldn't want that on my shoulders.

You should also understand that submitting doesn't mean you do what your husband wants you to do if what he wants you to do requires you to disobey God.


Submission is something most women hate. Submitting to our husbands has been unpopular for a long time. Probably since Adam and Eve sinned. But especially, it seems, since the middle of the 20th century.

But God is the final authority. He will judge. I know for myself, I want to do things His way. His ways are above our ways and His thoughts are above our thoughts.

I'm not saying I always like submitting to my husband. But, as I said, I want to do things God's way. He knows what's best. He set up the chain of authority the way He wanted it to be. But don't forget that I Peter 3:7 says that husbands and wives are equal partners of eternal life. The husband is the head, but he is not better than her or smarter necessarily. He shouldn't be a tyrant or rule with an iron fist. Remember, a husband is supposed to be kind to his wife, honor her, love her and respect her.

He will not have a higher place in heaven, as husbands and wives are equal partners spiritually. We have different roles in marriage and in our homes, but neither is better than the other.


Anyway, as I said, this is all just how I understand things and how commentaries and concordances and various Bible translations explain things.


"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." -- Dave Meurer

"The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal." -- Frank Sinatra

"The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal, under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

"Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." -- Robert Heinlein

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get. It's what you are expected to give - which is everything."

“Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.” -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I wrote about the Nature of Love back in September. It's a breakdown of I Corinthians 13. This is how love should be.

Marriage

I posted these quotes awhile back and wanted to post them again.

"Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited." -- Gloria Steinem

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing." -- Mignon McLaughlin

"A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers." -- Ruth Bell Graham

"We learned how to love each other by loving together good things wholly outside each other." -- Donald Hall

"Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage." -- Diane Sollee

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility." -- Leo Tolstoy

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." -- Theodore Hesburgh

"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." -- Dave Meurer

"A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it." -- Mignon McLaughlin

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." -- Simone Signoret

"The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly." -- Peter De Vries

"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep." -- Alan Patrick Herbert

"Marriage is our society's most pro-child institution. If you want kids to do well, then you want marriage to do well." -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage." -- Martin Luther King

"A happy wife equals a happy life."

"It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight." -- John Stevenson

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." -- Lord Byron

"The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal." -- Frank Sinatra

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." -- Doug Larson

"Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side." -- Zig Ziglar

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord." -- Proverbs

"A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free."