As I wrote in my last entry, I didn't read as many books in 2010 as I thought I would. Following is a list of the books I read. They will be listed in order of favorite to least favorite.
1. Voyager , by Diana Gabaldon. Third in the Outlander series. 2. The Lovely Bones , by Alice Sebold 3. Safe Haven , by Nicholas Sparks 4. The Notebook , by Nicholas Sparks 5. Dear John , by Nicholas Sparks 6. At First Sight , by Nicholas Sparks 7. Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict , by Laurie Viera Rigler 8. Stormy Weather , by Paulette Jiles 9. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner , by Stephenie Meyer 10. A Summer Affair , by Elin Hilderbrand 11. Eat Pray Love , by Elizabeth Gilbert 12. The Enchanted April , by Elizabeth von Arnim
Voyager and The Lovely Bones were by far my favorite books this year. The third book listed is a distant third. Seven through twelve weren't very interesting to me. I would go weeks without picking them up. The twelfth book, The Enchanted April, being quite boring at times.
The Nicholas Sparks books belong to my mom. She likes for me to read them after she does. Otherwise I wouldn't have read them. Not my favorite books, but not bad.
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I watched many more movies than I read books. Some in theaters, one on TV (WoftheW), and a few on DVD or Blu-Ray. I went through all my blog entries from this year with the tags "Movie" and "Movies" and made a list of all the movies I saw for the first time this year. It's a very long list. I will only rank the top 10.
1. Eclipse 2. Leap Year 3. The Blind Side 4. The Karate Kid 5. Sherlock Holmes 6. Prince of Persia 7. Clash of the Titans 8. Iron Man 2 9. The Pacific (an HBO mini-series) 10. War of the Worlds
Honorable Mentions : Why Did I Get Married Too? and The Young Victoria.
They were okay : The Last Airbender, The Last Song, The Back-up Plan, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Dear John, Robin Hood, Letters to Juliet, The Time Traveler's Wife, Hotel for Dogs, The Lovely Bones, and Adam.
Forgettable : Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Dishonorable Mentions : Avatar, Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying, All About Steve, and G-Force.
I might be going to see Tangled tonight. If so, it will get added to this entry somewhere.
It's that time of year again when people start making their resolutions for the New Year. I don't make resolutions. I make a list of hopes for the year. You can find last year's list by clicking here. Some things on last year's list are also on this year's list.
Here is my list for 2011:
1. My number one hope is the same as last year's. That Charlie will be home more.
2. I hope God heals me of PCOS or that a cure is found.
3. We didn't get to go on vacation this past year. I really missed visiting my hometown of Southport, NC. Hopefully we can make it there this year.
4. I have no intentions of ever giving up on the hope and the dream and the desire for the situation I've been in for so long to improve. I pray God continues to give me the strength I need to hold on and to stand for what's right.
5. I thought I would read more than 12 books in 2010, but I didn't. The problem was that almost half of the books I read weren't all that interesting. I'm going to try to read more in 2011. Hopefully the reading choices I make this coming year will be much harder to put down. The first two books of 2011 are books I started this year - The Diary of Anne Frank and The Enchantress of Florence. I will try to finish them before starting a new book.
6. I'm going to try to take better pictures this year. I love photography and it's my hope that my new camera (thank you again, my husband!) will help me with my picture-taking.
7. Though I've grown much closer to God over the last year, I would like to draw even closer to Him. I cannot begin to tell how much He has helped me and comforted me and strengthened me. He saved my life in every way that a life can be saved. I owe Him my all.
8. It is my greatest desire that my family will draw closer to God as well. I long to have them serving God by my side - going to church with me, praying, reading their Bibles, worshipping God and obeying Him. I don't push. I pray for them and I try to be a good example.
There are other hopes and dreams I have that I can be more patient with. They can happen this year or next or the year after that. Just as long as they do happen.
I got a new camera for Christmas! Woohoo! Now I just have to figure out how to use it. lol This is the kind I got:
I can't wait to go to the park with it and try it out there. Whenever the weather gets nice enough. Of course, in the meantime, I'll be taking pictures of my kids and pets. I'd also like to get a picture of my kids in front of the tree with their presents all laid out.
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My mom gave me some money for Christmas. I plan on using it to get myself a very much needed personal item. There should be enough left after that to buy one of the movies I've been wanting on Blu-Ray. Either Leap Year, Sherlock Holmes, Star Trek (the new one), Beauty and the Beast or Prince of Persia. I'm leaning towards Leap Year.
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"To get what you've never gotten, you must do what you've never done."
"If drugs, alcohol, and the lust of the flesh were the answers to life, this world would be a utopia."
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Proverbs 18:5, 8, 10 "It is not good to accept the person of the wicked [to be partial to the wicked; to acquit the guilty; to respect the evil-doer], to overthrow the righteous in judgment [to deprive the innocent of justice; to give a wrong decision against the upright]. ... 8 The words of a talebearer [gossip; slanderer] are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly [heart]. ... 10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe."
18:13-14, 16 "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. 14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity [can endure a sick body]; but a wounded spirit [broken spirit; crushed spirit] who can bear? ... 16 A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men."
18:21-22, 24 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof [will reap the consequences]. 22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. ... 24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
My brother's son, Drake Edward, was born this morning. He weighs 9 lbs. 9 oz. and is 22½ inches long. My mom, Kelly and I (Sean was in Raleigh visiting cousins) went to the hospital today to see him. He's so cute! He has a head full of hair, pretty blue eyes, the cutest nose and big hands. I enjoyed holding him and took a couple pictures of him, which I shared with friends and family at Facebook.
We went to Cracker Barrell for an early supper after leaving the hospital. Kelly and I had breakfast for supper. :-)
We're planning on going back to the hospital tomorrow.
Kelly with her new Barbie car and opening a snow-themed Moxie doll.
Sean with his new nerf gun. There were a lot of foam darts flying around on Christmas.
I took a lot of pictures on Christmas day, but only a few turned out clear enough and light enough to share. Most were so dark that even editing them didn't help.
Christmas presents from Kelly to me. A note/picture and some plastic animals - a cat, an antelope, a meerkat and a raccoon.
It started snowing early Christmas afternoon and continued on into Sunday. We ended up with about 4-6 inches. This was the first white Christmas I've ever had.
Taken the day after Christmas.
Christmas was nice. I had the house clean and looking festive, cooked a good Christmas dinner, wore a pretty red sweater with a black skirt, it was snowing, the four of us were together and the kids were happy with their gifts, as they always are.
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Kelly and I spent most of yesterday watching TV. Our dog Pippin was sick (in a very gross way) and I spent the first hour or so of my day cleaning up after him. I had to wash his blankets (which were in his carrier where he'd spent the night) and his bed, clean out his carrier and give him a bath. Then I fixed him some rice (recommended by the vet a couple years ago when he'd gotten sick like this before) and a little beef broth (I'm out of the recommended chicken broth) to help calm his stomach. I didn't even attempt to give him Pepto Bismol this time. He just spits it out. What made him sick? The turkey skin my husband had fed him. *sigh* Toy poodles and their sensitive stomachs.
Anyway, one of the shows Kelly and I watched was Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. We watched a few episodes of that. In one of the episodes, Gene and his not-wife Shannon were in Amsterdam for a KISS concert, I think. A boy who lives in Amsterdam wrote a letter to Gene wanting to meet him and talk to him, which Gene agreed to.
The boy (Steve?), whose grandfather is a holocaust survivor, brought Gene and Shannon to the Anne Frank house. (I've been reading Anne Frank's Diary to Kelly.) Gene's mother is a holocaust survivor, something she never talks about, and Gene is very sensitive about that. He broke down crying when they walked into the Anne Frank museum and saw the pictures of Anne Frank. Anne Frank and Gene Simmons' mother were about the same age when they were captured by the Nazis. I started crying even before I saw Gene Simmons crying. (I think reading Anne Frank's diary made me more sensitive to seeing her pictures in the museum. It made it more real.) Seeing other people's tears always makes me cry, so when I saw him crying, I started crying even more. I knew Kelly was looking at me, but she didn't say anything and neither did I. I had to struggle to compose myself, well after the show broke for commercials.
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And now for some exciting news. My brother Del and his wife Jennifer are at the hospital as I type this awaiting the birth of their first child together (she has an 8 or 9 year old son from a first relationship) - a boy named Drake. I'm so excited! Del called me shortly before 11 PM letting me know that Jennifer's water had broke and that they were fixin' to go to the hospital. I broke down crying on the phone and couldn't speak. lol I told him a few weeks ago that I would probably cry, and I did. When he was hanging up and said, "Good-bye. I love you.", I couldn't speak back to him and just hung up. lol
The problem is though, I can't get out of my driveway. It's sloped and is covered with ice and snow. If I tried to get out I'd probably slide all the way down and crash into the curb and mailbox of our across-the-street neighbors. My mom's going to try to come get me later today so that we can go to the hospital. If she can't, Del said he'd come get us. Hopefully the snow and ice will be melted from my driveway and our street by the time we decide to leave. We're going to try after noon in the hopes that things will be melted or melting by then.
I can't wait to see Drake and hold him! I'll probably cry again.
Luke 2:6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
2:7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the LORD came upon them, and the glory of the LORD shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the LORD.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Matthew 2:1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,
2:2 Saying, Where is He that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen His Star in the east, and are come to worship Him.
2:10 When they saw the Star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young Child with Mary His mother, and fell down, and worshipped Him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto Him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.
I really enjoyed church last night. We sang a few songs as a congregation. The third one is a song that came out a few years ago.
"And I, I'm desperate for You. And I, I'm lost without You."
We could feel God so strongly as we ended that song. People were literally on their faces praying and crying. I had my hands lifted, praying with tears in my eyes. It was beautiful.
Afterwards, the ladies went to a different room and had a little birthday party for our pastor's wife. The room was quite full. We weren't expecting so many to be there this close to Christmas. We had a lovely time. The food was good (cakes, crackers, cheese ball, vegetables and dip, chicken, biscuits, brownies, fruit) and we enjoyed one another's company.
I talked with a friend (my best friend) after the party about what I feel like God's been telling me and she was excited and happy to hear it. We're believing together for victory.
When Kelly and I got home (Sean was with Mom), we nibbled on a few things and watched some TV.
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More from Proverbs:
17:3-4, 9-10, 12 "The refining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: but the Lord trieth the hearts. "4 A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips [listens to false lips; listens to gossip; obeyeth an unjust tongue]; and a liar giveth ear [listens] to a naughty [malicious; slanderous; lying; destructive] tongue. ... "9 He that covereth a trangression [covers a fault or offense; forgives] seeketh love [seeks love; promotes love; causes love to prosper]; but he that repeateth a matter [repeats the offense; dwells on it; keeps bringing it up] separateth very friends [separates close friends]. "10 A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool. ... "12 Let a bear robbed of her whelps meet a man, rather than a fool in his folly."
17:13, 15, 17, 19-20, 22 "Whoso rewardeth evil for good, evil shall not depart from his house. ... "15 He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the Lord. ... "17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity [is born to help in time of need]. ... "19 He loveth transgression that loveth strife [he who loves a quarrel/fighting, discord or disobedience loves sin]: and he that exalteth his gate [makes a high gate or door] seeketh destruction [invites destruction or ruin]. "20 He that hath a froward [perverse; crooked; twisted; wayward; fraudulent] heart findeth no good: and he that hath a perverse [lying; deceitful; devious] tongue falleth into mischief. ... "22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken [crushed; sorrowful] spirit drieth the bones [saps/drains a person's strength]."
My complaining continued this morning. "It's not fair!" And then I felt like God impressed upon me something that's been told to me about three times already. Making this the fourth time. "It's not about you." Only this time I understand just what that means. I am the right one to deal with this specific situation and to handle it correctly.
Any other person who could've possibly been in my exact shoes, figuratively speaking, in this life that I've been living, would've done what almost everyone else in the world does in the kind of situation I'm in. I haven't because I've wanted to do things God's way, according to His Word. But there's more to it than that from God's view of things.
He sees the bigger picture and the conclusion of it. To know that He chose me for this circumstance because He believes I won't "run away" and that I will do things according to His Word has really helped my attitude. Something He's been wanting to change all along. He believes in me. It feels good to know that.
"Beyond the veil is where I see Your glory."
"I hear You say, 'Come closer. Step into this holy place.' ... Now I'm standing in Your presence face to face. Beyond the veil."
I've had some good days. I've had some hills to climb. I've had some weary days And some lonely nights.
But when I look around And I think things over, All of my good days Outweigh my bad days. I won't complain.
Sometimes the clouds hang low, I can hardly see the road. I ask a question, Lord. Lord, why so much pain? But He knows what's best for me, Although my weary eyes They can't see. So I'll just say thank you Lord. I won't complain.
The Lord has been so good to me. He's been good to me. More than this old world or you could ever be. He's been so good to me.
He dried all of my tears away. Turned my midnights into day. So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I've been lied on, but thank you Lord. I've been talked about, but thank you Lord. I've been misunderstood, but thank you Lord. You might be sick, body racking with pain, But thank you Lord.
The bills are due, Don't know where the money coming from, But thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. I won't, I won't complain.
God has been so good to me. He's been good to me. More than this old world or you could ever be. He's been so good. He's been so good. He's been so good. So good. So good. So good. So good to me. He dried all of my tears away. Turned my midnight into day. So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I tried to pray last night, but it became more of a talk than a prayer. At one point I just stopped because there I was praying about the same situation for the millionth time (or so it seems) and I didn't want to pray about it again. I said to God, "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of praying about the same thing and worrying about the same thing and dealing with the same problem. I'm sick to death of it! Why can't You just go ahead and fix this so that I can pray about something else?"
I know that I should pray about other things and for other people, but as I told God, I don't even want to. Even though I'm sick of praying about the same problem, nothing else matters to me more than this situation. Nothing. There are a couple things that matter to me just as much, but nothing that matters more. And I'm sick of that. I don't even know how to explain that. But nothing is as important to me. Nothing weighs on me as much.
I wish that this situation I'm in would finally be resolved so that I can finally wake up one day and not feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To wake up carefree. Carefree. I'm not sure I even remember what that feels like. I believe that one day it will come, but I don't know when. It's like a dream. I try to imagine what it will be like when that day comes and it doesn't seem real. Sometimes it feels like the possibility of waking up and breathing easily is just as likely to happen as waking up and finding myself in a fantasy land of Elves and Hobbits.
My so-called prayer time last night turned into more of a complaint session than anything. I hated what I was feeling and what I was saying. I hated my attitude.
All my life people have told me that I have a "sweet spirit". That I'm such a "sweet person", such a "good person", so gentle and kind. I feel like this emotional hell that I've been through has killed or at least seriously wounded that sweetness, that pureness, that innocence that I once had. It has done great damage to the trust I once had. I want it back, but I don't know if I ever will get it back.
When talking to God last night, I tried to come up with an example. I don't know if it's a good one, but it's what first came to mind.
Imagine a sweet, innocent, pure, naive child. She is happily walking and skipping and twirling through a field of wildflowers. She has no concept of the evils of this world. She's never been exposed to the horrible things that others are capable of. Then she comes over a hill and is met with things she never imagined existed - a parent viciously abusing a child, a husband or wife shattering the heart of their spouse and walking out on them and their children, the atrocities of the Holocaust, or any other evil of this world. Innocence is gone. Trust is gone. The feelings of safety and security are gone.
That's how I feel. And I want it back. The innocence, the trust, feeling safe and secure. I want it all back.
Now, compared to this time last year, I'm doing much better. But I often wish I could go back to the time before hell was unleashed upon my life and just be happily skipping through life, oblivious to the evils that might want to attack me.
I made it through a childhood with an abusive father (though he never laid a hand on me) virtually unscathed, all glory going to God. Even after all I saw and heard growing up, I still somehow managed to maintain my sweetness and innocence and trust. But what I've been going through since last summer has done the damage that many years with an abusive father couldn't do. Damaged trust, lost innocence, feeling afraid and worried and angry.
And I'm sick of it. I want back what was taken from me. All of it!
I know I started off this entry with a song about not complaining and being thankful to God and so far what I've written doesn't sound very thankful. lol But I'm hoping that God will help my attitude and that I can learn to be thankful. Or as Paul put it, to be content in whatever state I'm in.
Wow, that's hard. To be going through hell and still be thankful.
Even as I was complaining to God last night rather than truly praying, and in the midst of my bad attitude, I asked God to forgive me for my bad attitude and help me to have a better attitude. To "create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me". To change my heart and my attitude.
I wrote sometime back, a few weeks ago maybe, how that I felt like God impressed upon me that He wasn't going to do what I've been needing Him to do until I get my heart and my attitude right because I wouldn't be ready for it until then. So I prayed that God would help me with that and I was hoping that things were improving within me. And then last night came and that ol' ugly attitude showed up. Arrggh! *sigh*
To me, it feels like time is of the essence. I don't see how that I have all the time in the world for things to get worked out. So I get very impatient. But my impatience doesn't do anything to speed things along. :-/
I really hope and pray that things will finally start to improve inside of me and with the situation I'm in. I've had enough. Not that that seems to matter. :-/
Well, I've run on enough. I need to get in the bed now.
I feel like whatever I have might be getting worse. When I woke up yesterday I could barely speak. My voice gradually improved, but still isn't normal. I have that husky voice that Charlie once told me sounded sexy. :-/ In addition to the voice problems, I also just feel like I'm getting sick. I hope I'm not.
Unfortunately, we're going to miss church today because I don't feel well. I really hate to miss church.
I finally finished decorating the tree and the living room last night. I don't think I've ever taken this long to get the decorating done.
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There are a couple ministers I've heard preach before who I'm "friends" with on Facebook. One of them likes to post good quotes. I've taken some to add to my enormous list of favorite quotes and I've added a few here. This is the newest one that the preacher posted at Facebook:
"There are 3 stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done."
Wow. I really like that! Very fitting for what I've been going through. I'll be glad when it gets to the "It is done" phase.
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Proverbs 16:2, 6-7, 18, 24 "All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth [examines] the spirits [motives]. ... 6 By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil. 7 When a man's ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. ... 18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. ... 24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."
16:25, 27-28, 32 "There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. ... 27 An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. 28 A froward [disobedient; contrary] man [a troublemaker] soweth strife: and a whisperer [gossip; slanderer; tale-bearer] separateth chief friends. ... 32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."
Kelly and I did the usual grocery shopping yesterday, as we do every Friday. Sean was with Mom and is spending the night with her. After bringing the groceries home, we picked up some food from Chick-fil-A (it had been a month or so since we last had it) and ate while watching TV. We watched a musical Christmas special and then What Not to Wear.
I told her about it being mine and Daddy's wedding anniversary and then I tried to sing my favorite song ("Endless Love" by Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross) to her from our wedding day. I say I tried because my throat is a little sore and my voice was cracking a lot while I tried to sing. Kelly thought it was funny.
After What Not to Wear, we watched some new show on TLC similar to Clean House. I fell asleep with about 5 minutes left in the show and didn't see the end results. :-/ There's a chance for snow or a snow/rain mixture today. I'm glad I don't have anywhere I need to go. The kids just have two more days of school before Christmas break. Why does it seem like Christmas is coming faster this year?
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Proverbs 15:1, 3-4, 6 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. ... 3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good. 4 A wholesome [gentle; soothing] tongue is a tree of life [brings healing]: but perverseness [a deceitful tongue] therein is a breach in the spirit [crushes the spirit]. ... 6 In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble."
15:10, 12-13, 17 "Correction [stern discipline; chastisement] is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof [correction; teaching] shall die. ... 12 A scorner [scoffer; mocker; corrupt man] loveth not one that reproveth [corrects; teaches; warns] him: neither will he go unto the wise. 13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. ... 17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."
15:21, 25, 32-33 "Folly [foolishness] is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom [lacks judgment; has no sense; unwise; fool]: but a man of understanding walketh uprightly. ... 25 The Lord will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow. ... 32 He that refuseth instruction [rejects or ignores discipline/instruction] despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. 33 The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom [teaches wisdom]; and before honour is humility [humility precedes honour]."
Today is a very special day for me and my husband. It is our 16th wedding anniversary!
Sixteen years later and I don't love him as much as I used to. I love him more than I used to every day that goes by.
There are no words to express how much I love him. The day he made me his wife, December 17th, 1994, was one of the happiest days of my life. I am thankful to God for choosing Charlie for me and me for him. After all these years I am still crazy about him and completely in love with him.
Yes, we've had our down times, as all couples do. (Thankfully there've been very few.) It's perfectly normal. If you go into marriage expecting there not to be down times, you will be sorely disappointed. It will throw you for a loop and make things harder than they have to be. But if you go into it knowing that there will be times when you disagree or don't get along or even don't like each other or times when you feel like you don't love each other (I've never felt that way), you'll be a little more prepared. Sometimes you have to choose to love.
Even in the few down times that we've had, I've never once wanted to end things with him. I wouldn't dream of it. Not only because God hates it when couples divorce or separate, but because I love him and I made a vow to him and to God that I would be his wife no matter what happens, for better or for worse, and I keep my vows.
My love for Charlie is so real and so deep and unconditional, that I sometimes feel like I love him more than any human could ever love another person. It's hard for me to imagine someone loving another more than I love my husband.
Unfortunately, Charlie is out of state working. Just as he was last year. It makes me very sad. I hope he sends me flowers, but he doesn't always remember to do that. He can be forgetful and can sometimes get so busy that he doesn't do things he intended to do or make time for it. It's a good thing I don't love him for what material things he can give me. :-)
So here's to many more years together - the rest of our lives. I look forward to growing old with him. Not that I look forward to getting old (though it's better than being dead), but I do look forward to having Charlie by my side for as long as we both shall live.
The following was on our wedding invitations and napkins:
"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3
We got almost nothing in the way of snow today. Barely a dusting. (They were expecting 1-2 inches.) But we got enough ice to close schools for the day. We just found out a few minutes ago that schools are also closed tomorrow. My kids were very excited about that, running and dancing around. I reminded them that this means they're going to have to make it up later. Today's snow/ice day will be made up on January 3rd.
Mom spun out on her way to work this morning. (She was still in her neighborhood.) It scared her more than anything, but she said she's sore all over from tensing up. She managed to get herself back home and called someone to come get her. She's off tomorrow through Sunday. She usually has Sean with her when she's off, so she might be coming to get him sometime tomorrow.
Hopefully I won't have any trouble getting out of our neighborhood tomorrow. I have to get groceries. Our refrigerator is so empty. It shows more after cleaning it this afternoon. I scrubbed it and threw out the few things that were expired.
Eggs, butter, milk, Hershey Kisses, two Lunchables for Sean, tangerines, a bottle of water and some apples that need to be thrown out.
I got some more work done around the house today in addition to cleaning the refrigerator. Cleaned out the litter boxes, swept, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, folded and put away sheets and quilts. Sean wanted pancakes for supper, which I make from scratch, so that's what we had.
I still need to finish decorating the tree and the house for Christmas. I never take this long. I might do that tonight.
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I was just uploading pictures from my camera to my computer when I saw the picture Kelly had taken of the chicken parmesan I made a few nights ago and it reminded me that I wanted to share the recipe here and post a picture.
When I made the chicken parmesan, I didn't want to go through the breading/flouring and frying process of it. So I poured enough chicken broth in the bottom of a baking pan to cover the bottom and keep the chicken from sticking. I seasoned one side of the chicken breasts (boneless, skinless) with salt, pepper (freshly ground), and garlic powder and placed the breasts in the pan seasoned side down. Then I seasoned the other side with salt, pepper, garlic powder and some dried basil flakes (don't overdo it). I put the pan in the oven at 350° and baked it for 15-20 minutes, until the juices were clear.
While the chicken was baking, I boiled the spaghetti noodles and drained them, and heated up some spaghetti sauce. You can use marinara if your prefer.
When the chicken breasts were done, I covered them with mozzarella cheese and put them back in the oven until the cheese was melted and removed it from the oven. After placing a chicken breast on each of our plates, I spooned some sauce over the chicken, put some noodles next to it and spooned sauce over that. Then I sprinkled parmesan over the top of the chicken and the spaghetti.
It was so delicious! Kelly and I couldn't stop raving about it. I think it might be the basil that really gives it that extra something. I don't even miss making chicken parmesan the old way. I'm going to make it this other way from now on.
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Another thing I forgot to mention was that Kelly bought me a Christmas ornament from her school last week.
She's always drawing me pictures (Christmas ones lately) and writing me little notes that say things like "Merry Christmas Mother", "I love you so much", "You are very special to me", etc. :-)
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Proverbs 14:1, 5, 12, 14 "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. ... 5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies. .. 12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. .. 14 The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways [will be fully repaid for his ways]: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself [and a good man rewarded for his]."
14:21, 25, 27 "He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he. ... 25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies. ... 27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death."
I'll be so glad when it starts feeling like this is North Carolina and not somewhere in the frozen north. This cold weather is most unwelcome. Normal highs for this time of year are in the low 50s, but it's been in the low to mid 30s. I'm not sure if it even made it out of the 20s yesterday. Insane. We might get some snow, sleet and freezing rain starting tonight and into tomorrow. Hopefully that means school will be cancelled or delayed. I hate driving in winter weather and on streets that could be dangerous.
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I got the car inspected on Monday and then Kelly and I went to the license plate agency yesterday to get the registration/tags/sticker things taken care of for the car and Charlie's car hauler. More from my to-do list is done. Just a few more things to do, including buying more stocking stuffers, wrapping presents and getting things for Christmas dinner. I may also make chocolate chip cookies for our neighbors Anthony and Felicia, the ones who like my kids so much, and put them in a pretty Christmas tin to give them.
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There's a website/blog I like called Marriage Moment, which I've added the link to in my margin above the Blogroll. I've also "liked" them at Facebook, so any updates they post show up there. Today's was about how God hates divorce. Something I already know. A scripture they quoted is one I'm familiar with, but it was quoted from a version of the Bible I haven't read before. I like how this version put it:
Malachi 2:13-16 says:
This is another thing you do. You drown the LORD's altar with tears, weeping and wailing because he no longer accepts the offerings you bring him. You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. Didn't God make you one body and spirit with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. "I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.” (GNB)
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And now for something I've been thinking about: Unhappiness.
It always boggles my mind when someone quits doing what's right, quits serving God and going to church, turns their back on their morals and beliefs, and starts doing things they used to be morally and Biblically opposed to and things that are obviously wrong to anyone with a brain. They then find themselves unhappy and instead of placing the blame where it should be, they blame someone else.
I just have to shake my head.
Say there's a man who is allergic to a particular kind of food. He knows that if he eats it he will have a severe reaction to it. He knows it's bad for him. He avoids that food for many years. Then one day he feels like he just has to have it. He's craving it. He not only doesn't care that it could make him very sick and possibly kill him, he actually forgets that it could. So he eats it. And then he becomes very sick. But instead of blaming himself, he blames someone else. "It's your fault I became sick!" "Uh, no. You chose to eat something you knew was bad for you. What made you think it would end well?"
I really don't get people like that. People who start doing drugs or cheat on their spouse (whether it be through pornography or lusting after another woman, because Jesus calls this adultery, or actual sex or "just" having a non-sexual relationship with another woman or man or falling in love with someone else) or live a life of disobedience to God and His Word or become alcoholics or any other thing that's obviously wrong and a sin. These types of behavior then lead to what they only can lead to - unhappiness.
Don't blame someone else if the choices you make lead to your unhappiness. It's all on you, my friend. It's not your spouse's fault or another family member or a friend or a co-worker if you find yourself unhappy after you stop serving God or cheat on your spouse or become a drug addict or whatever. The fault is yours and yours alone.
These things seem fun at first. "The pleasures of sin for a season." But that's how sin always is. It always looks attractive and pleasurable and desirable in the beginning. You enjoy it for a while. Then the fun ends and you find yourself broken, alone and unhappy because of the wrong choices you made. You made. If you're going to point fingers at anyone, point them at yourself. What's that old saying about when you point your finger at someone else there are four more pointing back at you?
Take responsibility for your actions and your choices. Don't blame someone else.
My current Facebook status:
"Tolerance can lead to acceptance. Acceptance can lead to participation."
Be careful what you "tolerate". Too many have turned their backs on their morals and beliefs and God's Word because of it. I'm a witness to it. I've seen people who had good, high morals get involved in things they should not be involved in - drugs, porn, strip clubs, alcohol, etc. This in turn affected their attitude and personality and changed them into something they weren't before - cold, uncaring, selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered. Then they find themselves unhappy (surprise, surprise) and rather than take responsibility for their choices, they blame someone else for their unhappiness. I can't help but shake my head. It boggles the mind.
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I'm not feeling well today (headache, sore throat, general blahness) and dropped Sean off at Karate. They're having their Christmas party this evening after class. I'll pick him up when it's over.
This entry is focused completely on God. If that's not your "thing" or you don't like it, I make no apologies. I'm sure you know how to use your back button. ;-) But I hope you will stick around to read this and listen to the songs or that you will return. I write more in my blog about God, the Bible and church than I did last year or in years past, but that's because I have more of God in my life now than I did then. So naturally my blog reflects that. But, as those of you who are regulars here know, I write about other things as well. :-)
Kelly is still running a fever, which means we're not going to church this morning. So I listened to a couple great worship songs and watched a preaching video online. It's not the same as going to church, but it's certainly better than nothing. I felt God and was encouraged.
The message I listened to was about being mighty in the Lord and doing whatever it takes to make it and to get the victory. (II Samuel 23:20) It comes when you can fight your hardest battle in the worst circumstances you've ever been in against the toughest enemy you've ever had to face and not back down. You keep the faith, you stand firm on the Word of God. You keep praying, keep worshipping, keep believing, keep going to church, keep living right. You refuse to give up.
It was as if the preacher was talking about me. The battle/situation I've been in for over a year now is the hardest and the worst of my life. I'm fighting the toughest enemy I've ever had to fight. I nearly gave up in the beginning in every way a person can give up, but I held on. I grew closer to God and He gave me peace and strength. And though the battle isn't over, I know that victory is going to come as well. I refuse to give up.
The preacher told the story of a woman in his church (he didn't name her) who is faithful to the Lord and to church. Her husband doesn't serve God and gives her a very hard time. One night after she got home from church, he was cussing, saying he hates God and hates the church. He kicked her out because she went to church. The next church service, she was there in church worshipping God.
Those in hard financial situations, single mothers, men and women whose spouses don't go to church with them, those who are sick and need a healing. Don't give up, don't back down, don't walk away from God. Keep serving God. He will make a way.
This song brings me to tears. I can't help but worship God when I hear it.
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More from Proverbs:
13:5, 7, 10 "A righteous man hateth lying: but a wicked man is loathsome, and cometh to shame. ... 7 There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches. ... 10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom."
13:12-13 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. 13 Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded."
13:15, 20-21 "Good understanding giveth favour: but the way of transgressors [false; unfaithful] is hard. ... 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed [broken]. 21 Evil pursueth sinners: but to the righteous good shall be repaid."
Every year, some online friends and I do an ornament exchange. Our theme this year is gingerbread. A friend in Massachusetts got my name and sent me this lovely ornament:
I love it! I think it's really festive. As you can see, my friend painted my name and the names of my husband and children on the gingerbread people. She also painted the year and our last name (which I blotted out for privacy reasons) at the bottom of the ornament.
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Kelly's still fevered, though it thankfully hasn't been a high fever. The highest it's been is 100.9° She did okay on our grocery trip. We had Sean with us. I wasn't feeling well enough to go in the morning and took a nap. By the time I got up, showered and got ready, there wasn't time to get groceries and get back in time to get Sean from school. So we got him first when school was out for the day, then made our way to Petsmart (for dog food for Pippin), Target, the gas station and Food Lion.
We watched Eclipse when we got home. Sean hadn't seen it before and seemed to like it. Especially the fighting, of course.
Sean has Karate this morning. I'll be dropping him off and going back later to pick him up. I don't want to bring Kelly in there when she's sick.
Well, Kelly is fevered now and won't be going to school. It's just a low fever for now. (100.3-100.6°) Hopefully it won't get worse. I read some more of Anne Frank's Diary to her before she went to bed. This is something we started months ago and then stopped when the school year started. I'm going to try to stay on track with it again. Kelly enjoys it. We're only a little halfway through it, so I'm not sure when we'll finish it.
We'll be getting groceries today while Sean's at school. I hate to take her out when she's sick, but I don't have a choice. The refrigerator is practically empty and Kelly needs medicine and juice. Mom will be working, so she can't watch her for me. And there's no way I'm waiting till Mom gets home at 7:30 PM. I hope Kelly isn't any worse when we go to the store. I know how it feels to have to do things and go places when you're sick - it's miserable.
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I got some more lights put on the tree. Mom had a few extra sets that she's letting me use. I really need to finish the tree, but my head has been hurting all day and all I managed to do was get one more string of lights on the tree. I need to put one more set on and then do the glass balls and other ornaments.
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"For those who have turned their backs on the one who has always been beside you, you will soon find that you're beside yourself."
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More from Proverbs:
11:2-3, 16-17 "When pride cometh, then cometh shame [disgrace; dishonor]: but with the lowly [humble] is wisdom. 3 The integrity [honesty; righteousness] of the upright [good; decent; just] shall guide them: but the perverseness [dishonesty] of transgressors [unfaithful; wicked; false] shall destroy them. ... 16 A gracious [kindhearted] woman retaineth [gains] honour [respect]: and strong men retain riches. 17 The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh."
11:20, 22, 28-29 "They that are of a froward [disobedient; contrary; naughty] heart are abomination to the Lord: but such as are upright in their way are his delight. ... 22 As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout [pigs were considered unclean], so is a fair [beautiful] woman which is without discretion [tact; grace; modesty; virtue; honor; faithfulness to her husband]. ... 28 He that trusteth in his riches shall fall: but the righteous shall flourish as a branch. 29 He that troubleth his own house [family; wife; children] shall inherit wind [emptiness]: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart."
Gill's Exposition, a Bible commentary, defines or explains "troubleth his own family" as being bitter towards his wife and/or children, provoking to wrath, giving out menacing words, not providing for his wife and/or children, having a worldly (ungodly) spirit, withholding meat, drink or clothing from his wife and/or children.
According to Gill's Exposition, a man who does these things will inherit emptiness. He shall come to nothing, get nothing, and shall not keep what he has.
12:1, 4, 10 "Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof [rebuke; correction; teaching] is brutish [stupid; a dumb animal]. ... 4 A virtuous [noble; worthy; honorable; steadfast; faithful; loyal] woman is a crown [joy] to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed [a disgraceful woman; a dishonest woman; is lewd, mean, cruel, lustful, unruly, inhumane; unfaithful; flirtatious w/other men] is as rottenness [cancer; disease] in his bones. ... 10 A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast [cares for the needs of his animal(s)]: but the tender mercies [mercy; kindest acts] of the wicked are cruel."
12:15, 22 "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. ... 22 Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight."
As I type this, Kelly is sleeping on the couch. She's not feeling well. And though she's not fevered, I'm not sure if I should send her to school tomorrow or not. Of course, sleeping right now will make it harder for her to sleep tonight, but how can I make her stay awake when she feels bad? Right now it's just a headache and sore throat, but it could be the onset of a cold.
I too am feeling not quite myself. I have a headache and though I got 8 hours of sleep, I feel kind of blah and have almost no energy. I don't have time to be sick. I have to get groceries tomorrow (the fridge is looking pretty empty) as well as finish decorating the tree, among other things. Thankfully Mom is off work today and could take Sean to Karate, but she's working tomorrow and the weekend.
I should get supper started now. I'm making chicken parmesan, but skipping the frying step. I'm just going to back a couple breasts in the oven, melt some mozzarella cheese over them, cover them with sauce and serve with spaghetti noodles.
I'm not sure how I went to bed in North Carolina and woke up in North Dakota. It's so cold outside! The low this morning was in the teens with the wind chills even lower than that. The high yesterday was 32°. Brrr. Today it's supposed to be in the 30s as well. By Friday it will "warm up" into the 40s. :-/
I got the tree up yesterday and was hoping to have it done by last night, but two strings of lights aren't working. I have to buy more before I can finish. *sigh* Hopefully I can do that today. Though I really don't want to go out in this cold.
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I was sad to hear of the passing of Elizabeth Edwards yesterday. I didn't know a lot about her, but for her to pass away so soon after finding out that she was stopping treatment for her cancer because the doctors said it wouldn't help anymore was unexpected. She had more than her share of hard times in life. The death of her teenage son in 1996, fighting cancer for several years and her husband cheating on her and fathering a child with the other "woman"*.
I can't help but wonder if the stress of what that worthless scumbag did to her had an effect on her health. Stress is rough on the human body even when you're healthy. How much worse is it for someone dealing with a medical condition, especially cancer? I'm sure her children and others who truly loved her gave her strength, but it couldn't have come overnight after having her heart broken by her husband. It had to be devastating.
Anyway, John doesn't deserve peace or strength at the news of Elizabeth's passing, but I pray God gives peace to her friends and family in this time of grief.
* I use the word "woman" loosely. A real woman, a lady, wouldn't have an affair (with or without sex) with another woman's husband.
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As I wrote in an earlier entry, I'm reading from Proverbs now. (Oh, and I finished Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict last night.) Highlights for me:
7:2-3, 5 "Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. 3 Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. ... 5 That they may keep thee from the strange woman [whore], from the stranger which flattereth with her words."
7:16-18, 21-23, 25-27 "I [the whore] have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. ... 21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. 22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; 23 Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. ... 25 Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. 26 For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. 27 Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death."
8:11, 13, 17 "For wisdom is better than rubies: and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it. ... 13 The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward [disobedient; contrary; naughty] mouth, do I hate. ... 17 I [wisdom] love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me."
9: 6 "Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding."
10:2, 8, 12, 17, 29 "Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death. ... 8 The wise in heart will receive commandments: but a prating [babbling] fool shall fall. ... 12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. ... 17 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof [criticism; rebuke; reprimand] erreth [strays; stumbles]. ... 29 The way of the Lord is strength to the upright: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity."
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Y'all have a great Wednesday! Church tonight. Can't wait. Our pastor's teaching a series on relationships. Last week was about our relationship with God and the church. Tonight is about marriage.
The final scenes of It's a Wonderful Life. This movie should teach us all the importance of life and family. No matter how hard life sometimes gets, you can get through it if you just stay, first of all with God, but also with your family. Don't try to go it alone. Don't run off or wish for death or that you had never been born. Stay with your husband or wife and kids. Stay with those who love you. It is from God, family and love where we get our strength to stand, endure and see things through to the other side of life's trials.
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I don't really have much else to say tonight. I'm very tired and also in pain. My left ovary is hurting so much I'm walking around like an old lady. Don't know what's up with it. I don't think it's a cyst rupturing. The pain is much more intense and sharper when that happens. I'm getting some sharp pains tonight, but mostly it's a sore, dull, achy feeling that only gets really bad if I move too quickly. Hopefully it'll be gone when I get up in the morning.
I'm going to try to get the tree up tomorrow. Well, today actually. It's technically Tuesday now.
I've stayed up later tonight than I planned to. I was in bed Sunday night before midnight. I can't remember the last time I was in bed that early. It's practically unheard of, but I was so sleepy I couldn't stand it. I'm about that sleepy tonight and can't wait to crawl into bed.
Hard to believe it's already December. Christmas will be here soon and then 2011. Where does the time go?
We're getting snow today. A very uncommon occurrence this time of year in North Carolina.
I've spent the day cleaning, doing laundry and watching the snow fall. We may not be going to church in the morning.
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This is my favorite version of What Child is This? Especially after the 5 minute mark when he starts singing "Hallelujah". Scroll down his playlist a little to find it.
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"Sometimes the hardest things are the most rewarding."
"That's the thing about decisions. You don't seem to have to talk yourself into the right ones."
"All you've got is your word. You lose that, you've got nothing. You lose that, you are nothing."
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I've been reading Proverbs (as well as trying to finish Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict), though not every night like I'd like to. Here are some I've liked most so far:
Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction."
3:7 "Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil."
3:27 "Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it."
4:14-15 "Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away."
5:3-5, 8, 15, 18-23 "For the lips of a strange woman [whore] drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: 4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell... 8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house.
" 15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. [Referring to the man's wife.] ... 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times: and be thou ravished always with her love.
" 20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? 21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. 22 His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 23 He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray."
6:16-19 "These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."
6:24-29, 32-33 "To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman [whore; not your wife]. 25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. 26 For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
" 27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? 28 Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? 29 So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. ... 32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. 33 A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away."
