Summer so far has been more hot than usual. It seems like nearly every day so far it's been in the 90s. Some days in the upper 90s. The heat index can be 100° or higher. This of course means that we're almost always indoors. The only time we go outside is to get into the car to go to church or to get groceries. My kids haven't been able to spend as much time outdoors as I would like as it's just too hot and sometimes dangerously hot.
As much as I dislike this extreme heat (well, extreme for North Carolina), I dislike winter even more. I'm one of the few who doesn't think, while practically panting in the heat, "I'll be glad when winter gets here." No, ma'am. Not me. I dread winter. I'll take this heat over the cold of winter any day.
But I am looking forward to a cool down. Fall, along with Spring, is my favorite season. I'll be glad when the kids and I can go to the park again and enjoy playing on the playground and walking the trails through the woods. It's one of our favorite places to go.
. Someone should finally be coming to cut our grass today. (Our lawn mower doesn't work.) Charlie said he couldn't find anyone to cut it for him. (I think he wanted it done for free and no one will or can help out.) He asked me to contact the people my brother knew, so I called them today and they said they were too busy. That the recent rain caused them to get behind in their work. I only knew of one other person. Someone named Jeff who left one of those door-hanger advertisements on our front door knob. He said he could do it this afternoon for $30. Hopefully he won't charge more when he sees how tall our grass is. Not to mention the hill in our backyard.
Our backyard.
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Fathers, we need you.
Chorus:
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. When you look out of the window, tell me what do you see? If it's a world without a father then you're looking at me.
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. My respect to the mothers that be holding it down, But it sho' would be nice to have my daddy around.
Verse I:
All I need is one mic, I know you can see. I'm not a rapper but there are some dudes that are just like me. Every time you took a picture with you and your family, It was only two people when it's supposed to be three.
It was supposed to be me asking why is the sky blue? When I grow up I wanna be like you. Yo daddy, can you teach me how to tie my shoes? Can I go with you to work so I can see what you do?
Let me see what you do, so I can love my kid too. But you didn't stick around, was that too much to ask of you? Too much to get a blueprint, (no) too much to show the way (no)? That's the reason why this building is not finished today.
We're lost boys, still we wanna believe that My daddy's coming back, he didn't forget about me. Like a child after school we sit and we wait. I know that you gon' come, but that was '78.
Chorus:
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. When you look out of the window, tell me what do you see? If it's a world without a father then you're looking at me.
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. My respect to the mothers that be holding it down, But it sho' would be nice to have my daddy around.
Verse II:
They say raising kids, it's the parents' responsibility, But it's a million of y'all and only one of me. What happened to the village? As far as I can see It's been burned down by this modern day slavery.
For eleven years I've been living here. I've seen momma cry more than eleven tears. Watching momma be daddy while he slips away. Does Jesus really hear kids when they pray?
Momma working two jobs, she can't do it alone. She shouldn't have to, she didn't get knocked up on her own. And I know that baby mama's drama, brothers, it's real. But before you close the door don't forget how it feels, remember.
And daddy missed my game, and I made a touchdown. I won the talent show, but you weren't around. If a girl breaks my heart, what I do with the pain? And one more thing, Daddy, can you tell me my name?
Chorus:
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. When you look out of the window, tell me what do you see? If it's a world without a father then you're looking at me.
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. My respect to the mothers that be holding it down, But it sho' would be nice to have my daddy around.
Bridge:
Ain't nothing gonna break me down. Can't let nobody take me down. Can't let nobody break me down, me down.
Ain't nothing gonna break me down. Can't let nobody take me down. Ain't nothing gonna break me down, me down.
Ain't nothing gonna break me down. Can't let nobody take me down. Can't let nobody break me down, me down.
Ain't nothing gonna break me down. Can't let nobody take me down. Ain't nothing gonna break me down, me down.
Chorus:
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. When you look out of the window, tell me what do you see? If it's a world without a father then you're looking at me.
It takes a whole nation to help me raise this generation. My respect to the mothers that be holding it down, But it sho' would be nice to have my daddy around.
After going to La Hacienda yesterday evening (which was quite yummy), my mom brought the kids to her house and I went to the women's Bible study. We learned and talked about loving others. I shared with them how that since I've started praying more and have grown closer to God, my love for a certain person has actually grown in spite of the fact that they've been mean and rude to me, to say the least. The more we love God, the more we love others.
Jesus said that the first commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. When you get those two, the rest of the commandments come much easier. When you have the love of God in you, you're going to treat others right. You're not going to falsely accuse them. You're not going to lie to them. You're not going to cheat them. You're not going to gossip about them. You're not going to intentionally insult them or hurt their feelings. You will love them, you will pray for them, you will forgive them when they do you wrong, you will help them when you see they have a need and you will do good to them. Even if they're your enemy.
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I've been a little busy today, but not too much. I took the dog out and fed the animals, made my bed pretty, spent time in prayer, swept and mopped the master bathroom and got laundry started. I need to get that finished. There's not a lot of it to do today. Later, I'll be making spaghetti for supper and I also need to vacuum the house.
Well, there's a storm approaching, so I need to get off this computer. Y'all have a blessed Tuesday.
That was me this morning. Because I only got about 5½ hours sleep Saturday night (I wasn't feeling well), I was more tired than usual by the time I went to bed last night. As a matter of fact, I was so tired last night that I fell asleep for about a split second while sitting on the couch praying. Then I couldn't remember what I was going to say next and said to myself, "Well, that's my cue to go to bed."
I ended up sleeping longer than I had planned (8½ hours) and I'm still tired. *yawn* But no plans for a nap.
My mom's taking me and the kids to La Hacienda for some delicious Mexican food around 4:00. Yum!
I hope everyone's having a blessed day. Even if it is Monday. I look forward to the day when my blessings out-weigh my troubles.
. It's been a mostly laid-back couple of days. It's too hot to do a lot of moving around. Yesterday was spent doing laundry (including folding and putting it away), cleaning out litter boxes, cleaning out a large drawer, praying for about 35 minutes and going through old pictures to scan and upload. I scanned and uploaded several to Facebook a few minutes ago. They're mostly ones of me in my teens and 20s. There are no good ones of me after that. :-/
I also found an old love letter my husband had written me about a month after we got engaged. I had been thinking about looking for it and then found it yesterday while looking for something else. Such a sweet letter.
Church today was very good. Great singing, preaching, altar service and conversation.
I've been hurting a lot in my right ovary for the past couple weeks. Today it was so bad that it felt like someone had my ovary in a vice. But it's hurt worse than that before, when a cyst ruptured in my left ovary. So I prayed and waited and the pain lessened quite a bit.
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Here are a few of the pictures I scanned today.
Me, age 14, holding my cousin Kasey. Summer '87.
Age 15, striking a pose on the last day of 9th grade. June 1988.
Me (21) and my husband (25) about a week after we got married.
Me, age 24, holding my son (1 week old). April '97.
Age 26, holding my son (2 years 8 months). Kelly was in my belly, due in less than 2 months. Sean's lips were blue from a sucker he had eaten. December 1999.
. The kids and I did the usual Friday-grocery-shopping thing today. We also went shopping for new black church shoes for Sean. Thankfully we didn't have to go to many places before we found some that fit and were a decent price. We found some in the third store we tried - Shoe Carnival. They were only $17 and change after taxes. I had prayed that we could find some that wouldn't cost any more than $20. :-) The unbelievable part of it all is that Sean needed a size 7 w. Wow.
Sean was also in bad need of a haircut, so we went to Great Clips after leaving the shoe store. His hair looks so much better.
After bringing the groceries home, I took the kids to Mario's Pizza for supper. It had been a month or two since we'd been. It tasted really good tonight. Probably not only because it'd been so long since we'd eaten there, but also because I was very hungry.
The only thing I have on tomorrow's agenda is laundry, vacuuming and cleaning out the litter boxes. Those are the main things anyway.
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Gentle as the sweet magnolia. Strong as steel her faith and pride. She's an everlasting shoulder. She's the leaning post of life. She hurts deep and when she weeps, She's just as fragile as a child. She's a sparrow when she's broken, But she's an eagle when she flies.
Chorus from "Eagle When She Flies" by Dolly Parton
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"Kindness is the greatest wisdom." -- Author Unknown
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -- Leo Buscaglia
"By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." -- Winston Churchill
"The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway." -- Henry Boye
"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." -- Author Unknown
"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble." -- Bob Hope
To say that I'm annoyed would be putting it mildly. Have you ever had someone misunderstand you to such an extent that they caused strife between you and someone else? It's completely unjustified. And the worst of it is, I've never lied to this person (the one with whom strife has been caused) and they know it (though they won't admit it), and yet they not only won't believe what I'm saying, but they won't even listen to me.
Grrr!
"So don't talk to them." Or "Forget them", you might say. Well, not only is that not the kind of person I am, but the person I'm having trouble with is family. *sigh*
The only thing that means more to me than God is family. Whether it be my blood relatives or my in-laws. I love them all and I do not lie to them or anyone else. I'm honest even when it hurts me to tell the truth. Not that I'm harsh with the truth. And I certainly don't tell people things they don't need to know for my own selfish motives. I will tell what needs to be told, truthfully and honestly, in as gentle a way as I can and when the time is right.
Anyway, what I'm being accused of doing is very much not the kind of person I am. I'm the type who not only wants to get along with everyone, but does get along with everyone. Not to brag, but I'm a good, kind, sweet, gentle person. I'm honest and loyal.
To give a little more detail about the situation, I innocently and unthinkingly made a joking statement about something. It was based completely on fact. A fact that was funny, known to everyone involved, and not really that big of a deal. I certainly didn't make a big deal out of it. What happened that I joked about struck me as funny and kind of ironic and I made a non-malicious joking comment about it.
Believe me, had I known that it would be completely misunderstood and then told to someone else (the one with whom I'm having problems) as if I had been malicious about it (it should've been obvious that I was not), I wouldn't have said it at all. It just didn't occur to me that the tattle-teller would take it completely wrong (ridiculously wrong) and then go run and "tell" on me. Blah. My mistake.
The person with whom I'm having problems knows I don't lie and should believe me when I say that it isn't the way the other person is saying it is, but they won't listen to me or believe me.
It stinks to be falsely accused, misunderstood and basically called a liar. Especially by someone who knows that isn't true, but seems to have chosen to forget that and not believe me.
Grrr!
Doesn't it stink when someone to whom you've never lied suddenly doesn't believe you when you're trying to defend yourself against a false accusation? Why do they insist on believing that you meant what you didn't mean? Why do they think that you're doing something you're not doing, even without proof? Do they truly think that you've suddenly become something you're not and have never been? I do not lie. I will not lie.
Isn't it funny how bad things sometimes happen soon after you receive good news of some kind? *sigh* Why can't good things happen to me and it just be left at that for awhile? A long while. Why does someone always have to be a party-pooper? I've been put through all kinds of emotional hell over the past year and it'd be really great if I could get a year or more of good things in life.
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"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind." -- Austin O'Malley
"A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie." -- Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." -- George Bernard Shaw
"The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie." -- Ann Landers
"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." -- Pietro Aretino
"It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies." -- Arthur Calwell
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants on." -- Winston Churchill
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I knew there was scripture about being falsely accused. I couldn't get it out of my mind and had to look it up.
"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. "Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." Matthew 5:10-12
"And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? "But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;... "Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation [lifestyle] in Christ. "For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing." I Peter 3:13-14, 16-17
I may be suffering, but at least my conscience is clear. I've done nothing wrong. Except maybe in expecting a certain someone to get my joke. And I guess I was also wrong in expecting another certain someone to believe me, since I've never lied to them. It's just sad to not be believed by someone to whom you've never lied. *sigh*
I saw my doctor again today and he went over my test results and options. The news was surprisingly good.
Hormone levels - normal.
Blood sugar - "better than normal". He said normal is 110-120. Mine is 87. We had talked about Metformin last week, which is mainly a diabetic drug but has been shown to help women with PCOS. Since my blood sugar is what it is, my doctor said he'd be afraid my blood sugar level would "bottom out" if I were to take Metformin.
Thyroid - normal.
Pap smear - normal.
Blood pressure - 116 over 74. But then it's always good.
My ovaries used to be "full of cysts", but my doctor didn't see any cysts at all this time. Just some follicles. Though I still have pain in my ovaries.
My cholesterol and triglycerides are still high, but that's because I keep forgetting to take my medicine.
As I've mentioned before, I have PCOS. It affects hormone levels, blood sugar, the heart, ovaries, uterus, and many other things. I've had this disease for nearly 10 years now and I've been praying that God would heal me of it and take away all the symptoms. So you can imagine my happiness at hearing the word "normal" today. I can't remember the last time my ovaries or hormone levels have been normal. I'm praying God finishes what I believe He started and heals me completely.
Actually, it was yesterday and I missed it. For a few months now I was looking forward to this day so that I could mention it, and I missed it. :-/
Anyway, yesterday marked five years since I started blogging. You can find the link to my first blog in my profile. I didn't write there very long at all, only a couple months, before I moved on to Yahoo360, which has ceased to exist. I also briefly tried a couple other sites before choosing to do my blogging at Yahoo360. I blogged there for about 3 years and then started this blog in 2008 when Yahoo360 started having issues with disappearing entries. It was quite aggravating.
So, yeah, five years. Hard to believe. It seems like so many give up blogging after only a couple years, but I'm still going at it. And my life's not very interesting at all, yet I keep writing about it.
I hope that I never run out of things to write about, regardless of the fact that my life isn't all that exciting. And I hope that y'all will continue to follow me and read my ramblings.
So things didn't go the way they should have on Saturday, but I refuse to be brought down or to get discouraged. I haven't come this far to give up now. I won't ever give up. I know what is right and good and I will keep holding on until what is right and what is good comes to pass.
"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4
"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet [private room; go away by yourself], and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." Matthew 6:6
"...for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him." Matthew 6:8
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Thanks to PCOS, today is a low-energy day. It doesn't help that my right ovary is still hurting and causing me to walk a little slowly at times. The nurses at the doctor's office say to take ibuprofen, but it hurts my stomach if I take too much or if I take it everyday.
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I went to women's Bible study last night. (Sean is at his aunt's house for a few days.) Kelly was with me, but spent most of her time in the dining room playing with her DS. The ladies and I had a good time reading scripture, talking and laughing.
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I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. He's going to talk to me about my test results, what's going on with my body and about new medications. If he doesn't insert the new contraceptive (for my PCOS) tomorrow, then he'll probably have me go back another time to have that done. He may also write me a prescription for Metformin.
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I'll be making Chicken Giardino for supper tonight. It's my own recipe and it's awesome, even if I do say so myself. But I don't just say so myself. My daughter loves it too. :-)
Here's the recipe. Keep in mind, I'm not a professional cook or a professional recipe writer, so feel free to tweek where you feel necessary.
In a large frying pan (around 12 inches), pour in enough extra virgin olive oil to cover the bottom of the pan. Add chicken breasts. (Cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces before, during or after cooking.) Salt and pepper the chicken. Cook on medium heat, or a little better, until the juices run clear. Remove from pan and set aside.
Put the pot of water for the pasta on the stove and get it going.
If there's not enough olive oil now covering the bottom of the pan, add more until there is. Turn the heat down to just lower than medium. Chop finely/mince 2-3 garlic cloves (depending on how garlicy you want it) and add them to the pan.
Add the chicken broth, milk and butter to the pan. Turn the heat up to a simmer. Add about 2 tablespoons of flour and mix well until it's dissolved. Add more flour, a little at a time, until the sauce is the consistency you desire.
Add in the rosemary, thyme and basil. Also sprinkle in some salt and pepper. Taste it and add more thyme, basil or salt if desired.
Once the sauce tastes seasoned enough, add in the chicken. Then add in the drained pasta when it's done.
Squeeze in the juice of one lemon. Taste it and if you want more lemon, squeeze in half a lemon more. Taste again and add in the juice of the final lemon half if you desire.
I usually use two lemons, depending on their size. The lemons I used last night were large, so I used 1½ lemons.
If you want vegetables in it, you can add asparagus, zucchini (julienned), yellow squash (julienned), roma tomatoes (bite-sized pieces), red bell pepper (julienned), broccoli florets, frozen peas, spinach and/or carrots (julienned).
I've avoided going into detail about the situation I've been in for the past year. I plan on keeping it that way. Today wasn't a good day as far as that situation goes. If I said more y'all would certainly agree with me that it was all wrong and just shocking.
But, all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I believe that God is going to work things out and that good can come from this bad day. I am not afraid of what the future holds because God is already there and it's in His hands.
If anyone reading this believes in prayer, pray that God turns things around.
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We've got church tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. And not just because we're having a special speaker who is also a great singer.
Y'all have sweet dreams tonight and a beautiful Sunday.
. When I had posted my last entry on Thursday, it was around 3:00 and I had done quite a bit of work around the house. I did quite a bit more after that, including making an awesome (even if I do say so myself) beef stroganoff for supper. It was a very busy day for me and I was on my feet a lot.
Yesterday was grocery shopping and I also needed to get a new church dress for Kelly. (I had gotten Sean a t-shirt and a pair of shorts last week.) Sean hates shopping, so he went to my mom's since she was off.
After going to Target and then getting gas, Kelly and I went to Macy's to find her a dress for church. I got a great deal on a very pretty dress for her. It was originally $70 marked down to $10. The dress is a light shade of pink (not baby pink) with widely-spaced vertical black piping going down the length of the skirt of the dress, black floral print and a black satin sash around the waist. The hem has a couple small ruffles. I couldn't find a picture of the dress online. I may take a picture and post it here at another time.
We then dropped some things off at Goodwill (most of it shirts that are too small for Sean) and then went to Sears where I got Kelly some pretty black dress shoes for a decent price. The ones she had are too small.
By this time we were both very hungry. She had a headache from the hunger and I was feeling a little weak. Chick-fil-A is in the same area of Friendly Center as Sears and after seeing (and taking) the poll at the Marriage Confessions blog, I was craving it. I hadn't eaten at Chick-fil-A in a couple years because the sodium in their food always makes my heart race, but I had to have it. Kelly and I both got a plain chicken sandwich, waffle fries and water. It was delicious! I prayed that my heart wouldn't race and it didn't. Thank God.
We went to Food Lion next and after coming home and putting the groceries away, we went to Baskin Robbins at the mall for ice cream. I got one scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough in a cup and Kelly got two scoops of the same in a cup.
Mom wanted us to come by her place for a bit, so we did after finishing our ice cream. We hung out there for about an hour or so before finally coming home at nearly 10:00 PM.
After two days of being on my feet, my legs are tired. I'm not doing anything today. Other than bringing Sean to a birthday party.
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Oh, I nearly forgot. The situation I mentioned in my previous entry - nothing happened. Today ended up being fun and peaceful. But I have no fear about "the situation" if and when things finally do happen. God has given me peace, strength and courage. I feel and believe that God is working on things. It's in His hands, so how can I be afraid? Ooh, that reminds me of a scripture.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
It's been a busy day for me so far. I've dusted furniture, cleaned up dog pee (grr!), stripped my bed and put fresh bedding on it. I've done laundry (more to go) and folded and put away clothes and towels. I finally sat down about an hour ago to eat and get online. I'll be doing more laundry soon and I should probably vacuum.
I'm being careful about how I move and bend over today. My right ovary has been hurting for a couple days now. It feels like someone's pinching it or digging their nails into it. I especially hate it when the pain spreads to my hip bones. I had a few surprising twinges of pain while in bed last night, which made turning over slow-going. *sigh* I wish this PCOS would go away and never come back.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I have to go back to the doctor next Wednesday. He wants to take me off birth control pills (which I take for PCOS) and try another form of contraceptive. He said that birth control pills and Lipitor together could damage my liver. He may also put me on Metformin for my PCOS.
Still praying for a miracle and/or intervention from God tomorrow. Things could get ugly if He doesn't step in. Though when I imagine things playing out the way I don't want them to, I can see how it could ultimately have a positive effect. I'd just hate for there to be tears, even if good can come of it, if it can be at all avoided. I'd rather good things happen without the tears if possible.
Well, back to the laundry. And then in a few hours, I'll be making beef stroganoff for supper.
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"Change always comes bearing gifts." -- Price Pritchett
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -- Ambrose Redmoon
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Anne Radmacher
"Tears are the silent language of grief." -- Voltaire, A Philosophical Dictionary
We sang this at church tonight. I stood there bawling my eyes out. It gets really good around minute 3.
I talked with a few friends after service and then came home and ate a bowl of beef flavored Ramen noodles. They taste really good when you're starving. Sean had Rice Krispies and I fixed Kelly some kind of Macaroni Grill boxed dinner. (Chicken picatta, minus the chicken.) It tasted kind of weird and I tried to doctor it with salt, garlic powder, parmesan and basil, but it still didn't taste quite right, so Kelly didn't eat it all.
No plans for tomorrow (other than cleaning, doing laundry and changing my bedding) and no new quotes to share for now.
We've got church tonight. I'm looking forward to it. The time I've spent going to church and Bible study, listening to gospel music (especially the CD my mom bought me on Monday - Tye Tribbett and G.A. Victory Live) and praying has really helped to build my faith and make me stronger. I need a miracle this week for my family. I'm hoping for it by Friday afternoon. But of course, it's in His hands and He knows things I don't. I have to trust Him.
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And now some quotes I found recently.
"Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene." -- Arthur Christopher Benson
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." -- Hugh Downs
"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." -- Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays
"True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive." -- Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
"One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time." -- Lady Astor
"Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune." -- Giuseppe Garibaldi
"He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts." -- Samuel Johnson [Amen!]
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." -- Francesca Reigler
. Maybe some of y'all don't believe in hearing from God or getting much-needed messages from Him when you need them most, but I do.
I posted this in my status at Facebook:
"Went to the doctor today. They did the usual tests and ultrasounds. Took 6 vials of blood. [I jokingly asked, "Are you going to save any for me?"] Have to wait on the results of that and another test. The ultrasounds (no, I'm not pregnant) looked okay. [In other words, the cysts have remained the same. They haven't gotten larger or suspicious-looking.] I never like going to the doctor, it's always painful, but I believe God spoke to me while I was there. Yeah, at the doctor's office, of all places.
"In the changing area of the exam room, there was a poem taped to the mirror called 'Don't Quit'. I don't remember how it goes, but it said things like 'don't give up, just take some rest' and 'what you need is near, though it looks far'. While waiting in a chair after my ultrasounds, a song was playing on the radio in the nurses' station. The line 'It'll all get better in time' jumped out at me. Then in another exam room, there was a picture on the wall of a kneeling soldier with an angel next to him and underneath were the words 'Not Alone'.
"I hope this means that things are going to get better soon. Hopefully I will get that miracle I need this week.
"I had to fight back tears a lot while there and while thinking about the messages I was getting."
This is the poem I saw:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up, When he might have captured the victor's cup, And he learned too late when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. -- Author Unknown
And this is the picture:
Funny that it was a picture of a soldier considering what I wrote in my last entry.
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I went to a women's Bible study at a friend's house last night. There were about 8 of us altogether. We didn't finish the Bible study (about loving our children) because we talked so much about our children, raising them, teaching them by example and so forth. We also talked about our own struggles, things we've learned as a result and how we want to get closer to God. We had a wonderful time talking, laughing, crying, and encouraging each other.
It's a struggle for survival. I daily meet the foe. I'm out here on the battlefield And at times I stand alone. That's when I reach for my holy armor, I pick up my shield of faith. I march onto the battlefield, I take out my sword and say,
The mountain's high, but it's not too steep. The battle is rough, but I'm not too weak. And I won't turn back. No, I won't turn back. The road is hard, but it's not too long. The enemy's near, but he's not too strong. And I won't turn back. No, I won't turn back.
And though the enemy brings war against my soul, And though a host of evil battle for control, I will not fear for the Lord He is near And His angels encamp all around me.
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Unafraid because His armor is the best. But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest. People say that I'm amazing, Never face retreat. But they don't see the enemies That lay me at His feet.
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down. They don't know Who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword and cry for just awhile. 'Cause deep inside this armor The warrior is a child.
. Not a lot going on. I took the kids to see The Last Airbender on Friday. Sean had been dying to see it, and while I wasn't all that interested (though I'd hoped it would turn out kind of cool), I always do my best to keep my promises. The movie was only okay, in my opinion, but Sean really liked it and Kelly seemed to like it too.
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One of our neighbors across the street shot off a bunch of fireworks Saturday night. Some of them obviously illegal in North Carolina. They were pretty great. Some went quite high (above the houses) and looked similar, though smaller, to the kind the city shoots off. The kids and I stood outside watching for quite awhile until they'd used them all.
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We went to church yesterday. They've started a new schedule of only having one service on Sundays. (We still have church on Wednesday nights as well.) Prayer starts at 10:00 and ends at 10:45. Then service starts at 11:00. It was a really great service yesterday. The first song we sang as a congregation was one of my favorite worship songs ever - "Worship the Lord". ("Worship the Lord, let's praise His holy name. Worship the Lord, let's magnify His name. Worship the Lord, let's praise His holy name. Worship the Lord, let's magnify His name. Make a joyful noise all ye people, sing a song unto the Lord of His goodness, of His mercy. Sing a song unto the Lord. Make a joyful noise all ye people, sing a song to Him above, who redeemed my soul from destruction. Purified me with His blood. Bless the Lord, oh my soul and all that is within me. Bless the Lord, oh my soul. Bless His holy name.") It's been around for probably about 20-25 years, but is just as awesome today as it ever was.
Our pastor preached about prayer. (Effectual, fervent prayer.) He's really been focusing a lot on that lately. It's been exciting. I know most people don't think of prayer (or preaching) as exciting, but it is.
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I've got my annual doctor's visit coming up on Tuesday. Ugh. I don't like it, but it's necessary. I'm sure they'll do the usual - listen to my heart, do a cancer screening (I'm at increased risk for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer), take blood to test for high cholesterol (which I have) and diabetes (which I'm at risk for), do an ultrasound of my cyst-filled ovaries to make sure the cysts haven't grown and that they don't look suspicious (i.e., possibly cancerous), and they'll do a couple other things.
I'm very disappointed in someone right now. How hard is it to do the right thing when it will bring blessings to yourself and others? Why choose to do what's wrong when it only brings you grief and frustration? I really don't get it.
I pray this person finally decides to do the right thing.
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And since this is so short, I will end it with a quote I read a couple days ago at the "Marriage is a Covenant" Facebook page.
"It is so easy in marriage to look to your spouse to be the source of your happiness, to meet your deepest needs for fulfillment and purpose and meaning. But no human is equipped to sustain someone else at that level. When you look to your mate to meet needs only God can fulfill, you put too much pressure on that person and on the relationship." ~ from One Month to Live by Kerry & Chris Shook
And a few more quotes while I'm at it.
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." -- Malachy McCourt
"Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel."
"Books constitute capital. A library book lasts as long as a house, for hundreds of years. It is not, then, an article of mere consumption but fairly of capital, and often in the case of professional men, setting out in life, it is their only capital. " -- Thomas Jefferson
"The godly husband will protect his wife’s heart. ... He avoids anything that will damage or scar her heart." -- Tim Challies
1) If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be?
Southport, NC. Though I'd really prefer one of the Victorians that are already built there.
2) What's your favorite article of clothing?
That's hard. I have several lovely skirts I really like.
3) What's the last CD that you bought?
Fred Hammond. Love Unstoppable.
4) Where's your favorite place to be?
Southport, NC, and the mountains of North Carolina.
5) Where's your least favorite place to be?
Hmm. The ob/gyn and the dentist.
6) What's your favorite place to be massaged?
My feet.
7) What time do you wake in the morning?
It varies.
8) What's your favorite kitchen appliance?
It used to be this little chopper I had, but unfortunately it quit working after only a few uses. I need a new one.
9) If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
The violin or the flute.
The flute starts a few seconds in and lasts only about 20 seconds. It starts up again at 2:17. You can hear the flute many times throughout Lord of the Rings. It always makes me happy (or sad, depending on the moment) to hear it. Beautiful.
10) Favorite color?
Green and red.
Though not together, unless it's Christmas. I also really like various shades of blue as well as pink, lavender and plum.
11) Which do you prefer, sports car or SUV?
I really like my Tango Red Pearl Honda CR-V that my husband bought me in January of 2007.
Sports cars are pretty nice though. I love Corvettes from the 50s and 60s.
12) Favorite children's book?
No favorite.
13) What is your favorite season?
Spring and Fall. I really can't choose between them.
14) What's your least favorite household chore?
Toilets and litter boxes.
15) If you could have one super power, what would it be?
The ability to persuade people to do the right thing. I have some specific people in mind. And maybe shape-shifting too. I'd give myself a better body.
16) If you have a tattoo, what is it?
N/A
17) What's your favorite day?
Friday.
18) Do you believe in afterlife?
Absolutely.
19) Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburger?
Cheeseburger with ketchup only, cooked on a charcoal grill. I would never eat sushi. I like my meat cooked.
20) What's in the trunk of your car?
A blanket, one of those window screens to block out the sun (I never use it), I think a spare tire, and maybe a bottle of oil.
This is written with someone specific in mind. Someone who sometimes reads my blog and who I hope will read this and know it's for them.
Murmuring, grumbling and complaining? Full of doubt and negativity? You see what it got the children of Israel - 40 years in the wilderness. It can put you in a spiritual wilderness. Have faith in God and speak words of faith. Serve Him, trust Him, obey Him. You will be blessed.
Blessed with peace (peace the world can't give and that passes understanding), joy, healing (of your heart, your mind, your soul, and possibly your body), deliverance.
After a 40-year attitude adjustment, the children of Israel were allowed to take possession of the Promised Land. A land that God had given them but that they could not enter into until they believed God. They saw the men of Canaan and were too afraid to believe that they could defeat them and take the land, even though God said they would.
I can't help but wonder what things God has designated to be ours that we do not yet possess because of doubt or fear or a negative attitude.
These thoughts came to me as I was praying yesterday morning for someone who not only no longer walks with God, but who is full of doubt, negativity and who has apparently decided that the way their life is now is the way it's going to be. That it "must be" their "lot in life" to be doing what they're doing.
For someone like me who is more on the optimistic and full-of-faith side (though I have my tough moments), this is frustrating. Especially coming from someone who used to know better. Someone who used to be a happy, kindhearted, gentle, loving, good person. Someone who would help another out without a second thought. Who used to put God first, then family and friends, before himself/herself.
Ever since he/she took their focus off of God and living for Him, he/she has become what they are now. Not at all who they used to be or who they should be. As a result, they are unhappy and unsatisfied. They fail to see the blessings around them and they cannot see that their hope is in God and if they want things in certain areas of their life to get better, they must put their trust in God and quit grumbling and complaining and being so frustratingly negative.
I'm not saying we should be in denial about how things are. It's okay to say that things are tough if they truly are tough. But doubt never made anyone's life better. Just accepting things and doing nothing to make your life better will do exactly that - not make your life better. Have faith in God. He knows what you need and if you will trust Him and serve Him, your life will get better and the weight you feel on your shoulders will be lifted.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly [humble] in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
There will always be tough times in life. God never promised to protect us from any and all problems. It's the difficult times that build our faith and give us strength. (How would we know He could set our minds free if we never needed deliverance? How would we know He could heal if we were never sick? How would we know He could lighten our heavy loads if we never had a burden to bear?) What pathetic little weaklings we would be. How utterly useless. If we had lives of luxury without a moment's problem or sickness or loss, we would be weak and worthless.
Yes, our hard times sometimes feel like more than we can bear. Lord knows I've been there a lot over the past year. There were times so dark for me that I wished I was dead. Literally wished I was dead. Even thought about how I could die. But it was God who gave me the strength to keep my head above water when I felt like I was barely hanging on by my fingernails and when I felt like letting go. And it was the great love I have for my family that I focused on, as well as focusing on obeying God and focusing on the future I'm hoping for and believing God for.
There it is. Faith. In the midst of the hell I so often felt like I was in, even while thinking of death, I would desperately look for a brighter future to reach for and wait for. I'm still waiting for that brighter day to arrive and I have faith that it will come.
While I was cooking supper last night (spaghetti), a song I used to sing to my kids when they were babies came on. As it always does whenever I happen to hear it, it brought tears to my eyes. I sang it to them most often when I was rocking them to sleep or while they were in their cribs.
There were many songs I sang to them. Most of them old hymns ("Because He Lives", "Amazing Grace") and songs we sang at church. It was so many years ago that I can't remember all the songs I sang to them. I sang to them every night up until they were about four or five years old. Sean especially liked it and whenever I would get done singing a number of songs, he would ask me to sing to him again.
The song I heard while cooking was "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. I know it's more of a couples' love song, but I feel like it can also be from a mother or father to their children. Especially the chorus and second verse.
It's your love. Just does something to me. Sends a shot right through me. I can't get enough. And if you wonder About the spell I'm under, Oh, it's your love.
Verse II
Better than I was, more than I am. And all of this happened by taking your hand. And who I am now is who I wanted to be. And now that we're together I'm stronger than ever, I'm happy and free.
Oh, it's a beautiful thing. Don't think I can keep it all in. If you ask me why I've changed, All I've gotta do is say your sweet name.
Chorus
It's your love. Just does something to me. Sends a shot right through me. I can't get enough. And if you wonder, About the spell I'm under. Oh, it's your love.
There was also a song I sang just for Kelly and one I sang just for Sean. Kelly's song was "Could You be the Most Beautiful Girl in the World". (I only sang the chorus. "Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world? It's plain to see, you're the reason that God made a girl.") For Sean, I sang "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch" (again, just the chorus) because I called him my Sugar Lump and my Honey Lump when he was a baby. (Kelly was my Love Dove.) As he got a little older, I sang the chorus of "Beautiful Boy". ("Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful boy.")Seems like I also had a made-up song for each of them, since making up songs (usually very silly ones) is something I've always done, but I can't remember what they were or how they went.
Below is the Richard Dreyfus version of "Beautiful Boy" from Mr. Holland's Opus. No, he's not the best singer, but this scene in the movie is so moving (it always makes me cry), I wanted to use it instead of John Lennon's version.
The kids and I left the house shortly before 9:30 and made our way to a spot just a few minutes from our house where we had looked at the Emerald Point (Wet n' Wild) fireworks a few years ago. (I didn't want to have to deal with the crowds closer to the water park or downtown.) It's a spot most people don't know about. It seemed like in times past we had a very good view of them, but last night they seemed further away somehow. Some of the fireworks stayed below the trees, but we could see many of them. We actually saw four or five different displays at one time, all in the distance. I'm not sure where they were all coming from. I know one display was coming from the water park. One may have been in downtown Greensboro.
It wasn't as spectacular as we had hoped, but at least we got to see some.
We caught a little of Boston's fireworks on TV and then stayed up late watching a movie before calling it a night.
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Not much else to write about at the moment. I will close this entry with some new quotes (well, new to me) that I read today. Y'all may not care for them, but I really do. :-)
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” -- Winston Churchill
“He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -- Albert Pike
“The truly generous is the truly wise, and he who loves not others, lives unblest.” -- Henry Home
“The generous man enriches himself by giving; the miser hoards himself poor.” -- Dutch proverb
“The fountain of beauty is the heart, and every generous thought illustrates the walls of your chamber.” -- Francis Quarles
“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.” -- Tao Te Ching
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?” -- Oscar Wilde
"Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste." - Charlotte Brontë
“Remember that whatever may be said by a lady or her friends, it is not part of conduct of a gallant or generous man to take up arms against a woman.” -- Sam Houston
The kids and I had a good visit with family today. My aunt gave me her address, but didn't give me directions, so I had to get them from MapQuest. I prayed before we left and we arrived safely without getting lost.
We got there shortly before 1:00 and the kids got in the pool right away. We were the first ones there for awhile. Eventually an uncle and his wife, another aunt, a cousin and her husband and nearly 2-year-old daughter, another cousin and her 14-year-old step-daughter and another cousin and his wife and under 2-year-old daughter arrived.
A few played in the pool, but most of us didn't. The pool is mostly in the shade and the water had cooled down a couple days ago after temperatures finally dropped back into the 80s and upper 70s. Practically unheard of for July. My kids were in the pool for a few hours. I had to practically drag them out.
Playing with Uncle Mike.
Around 4:00, we had burgers, hot dogs, chips, potato salad, pasta salad, baked beans and dessert (a few cakes and a pie). Other than having to shew flies away while we ate, we had a nice time eating outside (shaded by many tall trees) and talking. It wasn't a hot day and there was a nice breeze.
After eating, some went into the front yard to play badminton, including my kids. I talked with one of my cousins for a good while.
It was really nice visiting with my family. I just wish Charlie could've been there with us. That would have made it even better. He's missing out on too much.
I dropped the kids off at my mom's house this morning before going grocery shopping and going to see Eclipse. While I was standing in line to buy my ticket, I had to kind of laugh and subtly shake my head at the two women in front of me, who were also seeing Eclipse and both of whom appeared to be in their mid to late 20s. The second one may have been around 30.
Anyway, when the first one was asked if she wanted to contribute a dollar to a charity, she said, "No, I did that already." That surprised me. Then the next woman, who had her son with her (he was probably around 9-11 years old), stepped up after the first got her ticket and when she was asked the same question, she said, "No, my dad did that last week. His name is probably all over the wall from donating." I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows. So if a family member donates to charity, you don't feel like you should too? He or she donates for the whole family?
I could maybe see if they were asking for $10 or $20 or $50, but it's just one dollar. It just kind of surprised me. I guess I just assumed that people always donate when asked if not much is asked for. Obviously I was wrong.
And, yes, I did donate and sign my name on a paper star. And, no, I didn't do it loud enough for them to notice. They were already inside, and even if they hadn't been, it's not my style to do such a thing.
So, Eclipse. I liked it. The book Eclipse is my favorite in the series and I had really been looking forward to seeing the movie version. I read the books once two years ago, so I don't remember everything that happened that may have been left out of the movie. I suppose that's a good thing. It kept me from feeling disappointed or annoyed at any changes there may have been since I couldn't tell what was different and what wasn't.
The fights were cool, though I would've preferred it if there wasn't the sound of stone breaking. I know the vampires are supposed to be like granite or marble or something, but I found the stone-breaking sound effect a little annoying. Other than that, I liked the fights.
Loved Emmett (I hope there's more of him in Breaking Dawn) and Charlie, and it was nice that they showed some of Jasper and Rosalie's back stories. Really liked the tent scene. I'm lukewarm on Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria. Maybe if there'd been more of her I would have a different opinion. In some ways it feels like there wasn't enough of the vampire army prior to the battle, but at the same time when they were on screen prior to the battle, I wanted the story to go back to Edward, Bella, Jacob, the Cullens and the wolfpack.
Though I liked Eclipse, I'll probably wait for the Blu-Ray before I watch it again.
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My mom dropped the kids off shortly after I got home. Her and a friend are going out to eat tonight, I think.
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An aunt of mine, my dad's youngest sister, is having a family cook-out tomorrow at her house in Fuquay-Varina. Her and Uncle Mike have a swimming pool that everyone will be swimming and playing in before we eat. I won't be in the pool though. It's not my thing really. I'll be bringing swimwear and so forth for my kids though. They're really looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to seeing my family. Some I haven't seen since my dad's funeral in May of 2006. Others I saw at my brother's wedding in September of 2008.
I don't know if there'll be fireworks at my aunt's house or not. I may or may not take the kids to see fireworks somewhere on the fourth. Definitely not downtown. It's way too crowded there on the fourth. There's a place not far from our house where you can park and see the Emerald Point or High Point fireworks from a distance.
